My Christmas List.
It's about to get real.
Really real.
Dear Santa,
I want to get hit by Google's self-driving car. Not like super bad, just bad enough so Google pays me to keep quiet and I can afford my student-debt.
Signed: College Student.
Dear St. Nick,
Could you get me a ___ that would help me completely get over my ex? Thanx.
Signed: Pathetic.
Dear Nicky,
I really want a golden retriever. One thing, though: I also want the lifestyle to have a golden retriever.
Signed: A Poor, Lonely Dog-Lover.
Dear Father Christmas,
Please go back in time and change the endings of the following shows: "Lost," "How I Met Your Mother," and "Dexter."
Signed: Television Connoisseurs.
Dear Emperor of the North Pole,
So I would love the validation of my extended family, and for my cousin to stop being so DAMN SUCCESSFUL. How many houses do you really NEED, Jeff?! You're making us all look bad!
Signed: A Family Man.
Dear Santa Baby,
There's this guy, and I just NEED to know if he’s gay, friendly or just foreign.
Signed: Every Gay Guy, Ever.