Only a few more days separate me from my love; cheese. But before that joyous reunion can take place, this pretend vegan has a marathon to run and she's scared shitless.

Only a few more days of scrutinizing ingredient labels for animal products before ingesting said food product. Until then I have a pile of sweet potatoes to devour and plenty of cherry pop-tarts to enjoy.

Only a few more days until I can order a three egg omelette bursting with sausage and cheese, slathered in county gravy and accompanied by butter biscuits. But I can survive a few more mornings of coffee and plain toast.

Only a few more days until I go back to living! Living….

Only a few more days until my daily bloating returns and expands my waist line to the point of making my jeans uncomfortable.

Only a few more days separate me from possibly inflaming my gallbladder and needing to visit the ER and eventually surgery.

Only a few more days until I go back to my old binge eating ways and negate all the weight I lost over the passed month.

Only a few more days... I think over and over again. Some times so excited I start salivating, and other times so nervous I lose my appetite.

Will I stay the course and maintain some of the healthy eating habits I've adapted to over the last month, I really really hope so. Will I probably eat so much BBQ in a few days that I may throw up? You bet your sweet ass.

Every doubt and fear I have over ‘going back to normal’ in a few days that I have stems from my all or nothing personality which is ok I just don't want to go back to where I was a month ago.

A month ago I was really sick, really unbalanced and really frustrated. I don't want to go back there. I want to keep listening to my body. I want to keep loving myself and feeling so good physically and mentally/emotionally. I don't want to fall back into my fast food, binge eating, out of control lifestyle I was drowning in before I started this. I also don't want to never eat cheese again...

What's a gal to do?

Keep moving forward. That's how I got through the last month, with a task I truly thought was impossible for me. I will choose to honor and love myself enough to keep moving forward and do what my body needs not just what my tastebuds or emotional state is begging for. I will not worry anymore, it's all going to be ok.

I can have my cheese and eat it too.