Something is seriously wrong with the current understanding of “dating.” It’s become a serious problem. After having to suffer through this blatant misconception a countless number of times, I made an effort to try and understand why it is plaguing my generation. In the 90’s and early 2000’s, there was no widespread irrational fear of the word “date” like there is today. It has always been apparent to me that dating is an important part of the natural progression of a relationship. Getting to know someone through the dating process is a necessary step in determining if a particular individual is relationship material. As I got older and entered the dating world myself, I began to realize that there were very few people who understood what it meant to date, or at least understood it the same way I do. At some point, there was a deviation among youths with how they interpret dating’s purpose and intent. The question being posed is: what caused the change?

Anyone who has ever seen an episode of Boy Meets World would know that you have to date before you start a relationship. First, you muster up the courage to ask out a girl. Once said courage has been mustered, you walk up to her, look her in the eye and ask her if she would like to catch a movie, go to a baseball game, or perhaps grab some coffee. Assuming the girl is single, not repulsed by your appearance, charmed by your confidence and open to dating, she should say yes. At which point you exchange numbers. You go on a date, perhaps several and get to know each other. These dates are excellent opportunities to ask important questions like: “What do you do for a living?” “Where are you from?” “Where did you go to high school?” “Where do you see yourself in the future?” “What are your career goals?” “What is your religion?” Etcetera. After learning about each other, and being in a one on one setting through an undetermined number of dates, you have “the talk.” This discussion generally is intended for you both to determine the future of your relationship together. It is then you either enter into a relationship or part ways. The important thing is you gave it a shot. You put yourself out there and got to know someone. You might’ve even learned something about yourself in the process. This is the ideal dating scenario, although nowadays, it is almost never like that.

The dating world is not what it used to be. In our current era, society has become oversexualized to the point that sex is permissible on the first date. The term for that behavior is the one night stand. Sex is no longer something that people patiently wait for until after they are married. It is more common to become sexually active long before marriage is even a thought. This has inadvertently changed the purpose of dating. Once a tool used to get to know a potential partner, it is more often used to “hook up.” Often, if you go out with someone and have sex, a determining factor for future dates with that individual is how good the sex was. Many other key factors unfortunately fall by the wayside, and this leads to unhappy relationships that started with sexual attraction. The problem this has caused is the fundamental breakdown of how to get to know potential partners. For those people who either abstain till marriage or at least till they are in a committed relationship, dating now has this connotation of being a really serious thing that you only do with a boyfriend or girlfriend. In many ways, the term dating has become synonymous with being in a relationship. We have found ourselves in quite a conundrum. People are less open to finding someone who they have not met yet. They are limited to pursuing individuals they already are acquainted with. Men restrain from asking women out on dates because they don’t feel comfortable asking out someone they don’t know (even thought that’s kind of the point) and also because they are so often turned down by women who find it creepy. This is because of what dating has become. If we see it as a process of getting to know someone, and not a means of getting into someone’s pants, there would be much less hesitance to say yes to someone asking you out.

I can already feel the hate flowing through some of those reading this article. Feminism will spur you to hold tightly to the woman’s choice in the matter. Let me stop you there. By no means am I saying a woman is obligated to saying yes to every Tom, Dick and Harry who asks her on a date. The entire point of this article is that dating isn’t much more than getting to know someone. Individuals who are dating are not by any means obligated to each other. Proper etiquette is to only date one person at a time out of a sense of loyalty, but you aren’t in a committed relationship yet. So, I am positing to both men and women, to see the dating process as a means of meeting someone for the sake of getting to know them as a person, not as a means to eventually have sex with them. Yes, women can still say no to dating propositions. Men can also decide they don’t have to ask out every woman they find attractive. I am encouraging you, however, to simply change your mind set on dating. Be more open to casual dating and it will open up a plethora of potential mates for you. There are plenty of fish in the sea once you decide to look outside of your comfortable cove.