Death seems to be a common theme in my life and I am still very young. Over the years, I have learned how to deal with it and have realized it is just a part of life. For those who have not experienced the death of a loved one, be thankful and make the most out of the life you have now. But for those like me who have experienced it multiple times, to be blunt, it really sucks. Honestly, I have learned there is no right or wrong way to deal with death because everyone is different. Some people continue to cry, either with others or by themselves, some people stay strong through it all and break down at the very end, and some people show little to no emotions at all. The thought of a loved one being gone hits people at different measures and times, and there is no specific way to react. No matter the cause of death: old age, illness, accident, suicide (I have experienced them all), the reactions are the same, but life does change.
At first, many questions come into your mind like why and how could anything like that happen, especially when it is unexpected. Then your head might start to hurt and you lose your appetite. Then out of no where more questions, that may or may not be answered, flow into your mind like a waterfall. Should you stop what you are doing and cry? Should you act like nothing happened and start moving on with your life now? Just do what you got to do to stay sane.
Remember you are not alone. The one who is gone was a father, mother, son, daughter, husband, wife, friend, or relative to someone somewhere. Other people are going through the same things you are and that will bring you that much closer to them. This is a time to really appreciate the current people in your life for being there for you, giving you hugs, and telling you they love you. They make you feel loved even when you feel like you are living in a nightmare. Now, anyone who has experiences with a death of a loved one knows all about the repeated "I'm sorry for loss" and "If you need anything let me know." It is nice and respectful to hear and say those things but in reality everyone is sorry for the loss and the only need at that moment is to have the loved one back and the truth is, nobody is able to do that.
Eventually, it sinks in that your loved one is gone and you may have regrets or more questions with "what ifs." My advice would be to write down the things that you know cannot happen anymore and the things that you know cannot be changed, rip them up, and throw them down a river or in the garbage because holding onto those things will make it harder to accept the new way you have to live life.
For some people it gets easier and for others it does not. Sometimes, change can be scary and moving on is not always as easy as it sounds. When people tell you to stay busy it only partially heals your pain because they do not think about how staying busy helps at night, right before you go to sleep, close your eyes, and all you can see and think about is the person who once was a part of your life. Frankly, most people do not know what you are going through. It is not a matter of staying busy, but a matter of staying sane and wanting to go back to the way life was before but knowing it will not. A new normal will end up forming on its own, but just be patient and remember you are still special to someone and your life is still going on.
When people talk about moving on they think about forgetting, but it is the complete opposite. Moving on just means taking one day at a time and getting stronger each day. Unfortunate things happen to people all the time and when they do, they should be used as an excuse to grow and become a stronger person. Remembering the good characteristics of the loved one and relaying those characteristics in your own life will make you a better person and someone your loved one can be proud of. Do not give up because they are gone, but keep moving because you know that person brought something into your life that you are thankful for and you should bring that same something into another person's life. It is the chain reaction of something special.
Each person is different and people experience different struggles, some more extreme than others. Sadly, death is the only thing all people have in common. I honestly cannot tell you how to handle death because it changes for me every time. The only thing I have to say is stay optimistic. You can get control back of your life, you can make others happy, you can learn from your struggles, and you can become the person you have always wanted to be. The only difference is now there is another guardian angel making sure and helping you succeed. Nothing is ever put into your life that you cannot handle. One of my favorite quotes is, "Everything will be okay in the end, and if it is not okay then it is not the end." Eventually, everything will be okay. Just take a deep breathe and know you will be okay.
