Last day of senior year. High school. 2013. Everyone was throwing papers into the air, kids yelling in celebration. There was a shaving cream fight breaking out and in the midst of it all my sister was shouting, smile, Amanda!

I turned, looked over at her pointed iPhone, poised to smile for the picture. What she ended up snapping instead was a surprised face in the middle of madness.

That picture, which I later uploaded to Instagram, became something of a joke between friends. The caption a cheeky: What do I do now? That later became my go-to caption for anything. See: What Do I Do Now: NYC Edition; College Edition; Club Edition.

I fell asleep last night thinking about that picture. Well, not the picture exactly but the feeling of wondering, what's next? What now? The next step? It was a sharp feeling in the pit of my stomach, an unsettling uncertainty that I thought about constantly on the last day of high school. Then, when college classes started. Now, planning for college graduation and the next step of it all.