The next day, Joan and the girls awake for breakfast. They get dressed and wait for the call.
Joan: I hope we have oatmeal today. It’s the only thing I can really tolerate in this place.
Guadalupe: ew! Es gruesa! No me gusta de oatmeal. It’s too dry!
Jac: I don’t even care anymore it all taste the same to me at this point! All gross, all disgusting, all barely edible. And no matter how much we tell the guards and the kitchen ladies, nothing changes. I know they’re working the most out of what they got and we are here to be punished, but come on! God I miss my kitchen, God I miss Whole Foods.
Guard: Block D report for breakfast!
Guadalupe: vaminos putas!
The ladies walk to the cafteteria and get in line for breakfast. They all grab their oatmeal and milk, but to there is a surprise today!
Joan: oh my God! They have fruit today!
As Joan gets to the fruit section the number of bowls quickly dwindles down to two, there is one girl in front of her.
Joan: oh my God! Yayy! Fruit I’m so….
Suddenly someone steps in front of Joan and goes to grab the bowl
Toya: peaches my favorite! Thanks for saving me the last one sweet cheeks
Joan: what the hell Toya? You saw I was going for that one! Knock it off.
Toya: oh come on, you know i get what I want, and right now I want those peaches and I see you were helping me out , so now I’m going to thank you and take them.
Joan: listen bitch I’m if you don’t put those peaches down right now I’m gonna
Warden: That’s enough ladies, Joan my office now! Toya enjoy your peaches.
Joan: What the hell!?
Toya: thank you sir, bye sweetie
Toya blows Joan a fake kiss, triumphantly walking away with the peaches.
Joan: oh Madonna Mia! What now??
Joan follows the warden to his office.
Warden: you know for someone whose trying to get out of here, you sure seem to be finding yourself in a lot of trouble lately…..
Joan: whatever!
Warden: what was that!!??
Joan: nothing signore nothing!
The two go to the Warden’s office to talk.
Warden: what’s going on Joan? What’s gotten into you? This behavior… it’s, it’s not like you
Joan: I don’t know what you’re talking about Sir, I’m fine.
Warden: really well your behavior tells me otherwise. Tomorrow is visitation day. I’d hate to have to tell your family you can’t see them because of your behavior. That would be a shame wouldn’t it?
Joan: of course, is there anything else you wanted to talk to, me about sir? Because I’d really like to enjoy my oatmeal or what’s left of it , if any, I’ve got a busy day today with lots to do, many places to go , places to see and calls to block you know the usual! Housewife stuff!
Warden: Housewife stuff? Ok that’s enough you have a nice day now Joan and stay out of trouble. Remember visitation tomorrow!
Joan: have a great day.
Joan fakes a smile and leaves walking back to the cafeteria as quickly as she can.
Suddenly the speaker crackles to life
‘Guards: Breakfast is now over Ladies, all inmates report back to your cells.
Joan: great! Just great!
Joan turns around and starts heading for her cell. She finds Guadalupe inside waiting for her.
Joan: Hey Guadalupe
Jacqueline is talking in an office with a man, unbeknownst to her roommates.
Jac: I’m going to take this can of peaches and can opener to her, then you’ll come in, in like ten minutes. She won’t suspect a thing!
Voice: haha Great! She’s not going anywhere and she can definitely kiss visitation goodbye!
Jac: but its ok Tommy will still be here for his conjugal visit…with me!
Voice: ooh you naughty girl! What a way to treat a friend!
Jac: oh whatever that bitch has had it coming! But now as promised I think it’s time for your conjugal visit.
Back in the cell….
Guadalupe: hey mamacita you ok? What the hell was that about!? You’ve been called down twice in one week, and you’ve gotten in trouble before. The hell is going on with you?
Joan: more like what the hell is going on with the Warden? I swear he’s like suddenly obsessed with me or something! Like give me a friggin break. I missed breakfast because of him popping up to bust me for some peaches! Peaches! Madonna Mia!
Jac: did somebody say peaches?
Enter Jacqueline
Jacqueline enters the cell with her hands behind her back, she then reveals the can of peaches
Joan: Oh My Gosh! You’re the best thank you so, much Jacqueline, really!
Jac: oh it was no big deal!
Joan: no big deal?
Guadalupe: yeah if you even think about asking the cook for even so much as an extra piece of lettuce in the salad she’ll have a titty attack!
Jac smiles mischievously
Jac: You’d be surprised what you get when you ask.
Joan: that’s great thank you. But this is a can. We need a can opener. Like I can’t open this can without a can opener!
Jac: got ya!
Jac tosses Joan the can opener who barely catches it.
Joan: Whoa! How’d you get this? Where you’d get this from? Jac are you crazy that’s contraband! Do you know how much trouble we could get in for having this I could…?
Warden: Is that an inmate with contraband? Oh Joan….. I
Joan: what the Hell!
Warden: I’m sorry Joan but that’s two strikes in one day, I’m cancelling your visitation with your family tomorrow!
Joan: BUT THAT’S NOT FAIR! I DIDN’T EVEN BRING THEM IN HERE I D
Warden: I’m sorry did I hear someone say they wanted a shot as well?
Joan: I’m going to bed! Nobody talk to me
Jac: oh my God Joan! I’m so sorry I had no idea I just….
Joan: LEAVE ME ALONE! ALL OF YOUSE OK? GOODNIGHT
