I guess you are wondering what's new... Well, during the 4 years I had a baby girl, moved, and the girl I was supposed to marry is now a ex. My father was thrilled to hear the news and assumed that I had been "delivered" because I had a child. Like being "gay" is just a hobby. It's funny because since I had her, he's trying to be a better person. It does make me sad to know that he now wants to try. Why now? Is my daughter his redo? I wish I didn't feel this way, but writing it down helps me. I worry my detachment will ruin whatever relationship my daughter could have with him. But then again, should I care or should I care more about how he could affect my daughter? Will he teach her or show her all the ways to not like me? These are all the questions that come to my mind. Being Lesbian, African American, and a woman makes me a target anyway. I will have to teach her love and teach her hate, and the ways of this world we are in. Unfortunately, we must show are black babies at a early age what hatred looks like, even if it comes from family alike. It is disheartening. Sadly, we live in a world where children know what self-hate is. My father wrote my mother a letter saying she is a monster and the reason for all my bad decisions in life including my orientation. Do I want a person like this around my daughter knowing he despises her own grandmother? Will a relationship with him be right for her? I do not know and the unknown scares me. But I have forgiven him for myself, but things are different now because I have a daughter. I pray that she never has to experience some of the anger and loss I have towards my father because I intentionally had her to raise her without her father. Even if that wasn't my decision, it would still be so. So I often wonder if she'll grow to resent her father too. I can only be open with her about the decisions I made to have her, her father, and grandfather. It's safe to say that I am still writing the letter. Will he ever get it? That part is unknown.