Okay ladies, so you’re at a college party. You see some cool guys in plaid shirts, maybe playing a round of beer pong, maybe drinking liquor out of a red solo cup. We like having some fun.

Are they just guys being dudes or is there something more going on? Are there some things that they are definitely thinking but don’t want to tell you?

Let me be your insider to the male mind. Because guess what-- guys have some secret thoughts too!

"I am intimidated."

Guys at parties may come off tough and may come off loud, but most of them are scared to strike up a conversation with an unknown woman. One of the coolest things that can happen at a party is when a girl strikes up a conversation or at least gives you an inviting nod to come over.

Now, I am not saying that guys can just wait on girls to always make the first move, but if you create a tight, closed circle that is just your friend group, you are going to have a tough time meeting new people.

Some of the better friendships I have made in college exist because I introduced myself to some unknown person at a party. You have to show initiative if you want a fun social life at your university.

Some of you will take this idea of showing some initiative a little too far, though. For example, it is wildly inappropriate to interrupt a man when he is engrossed in a good book.

For the most part, we are just looking to make some new friends, so in almost all cases, it is okay to approach us. We welcome it. Believe it or not, most guys do not have a lot of friends—for instance, I only have four: Robby, Felix, and my Mom and Dad.

"I want to have ‘relations’ with that girl."

Now, if you do not know what sex is, it’s basically grinding but you go up and down instead of side to side. If you are still not getting it, you can just Google the word “sex,” and there are a ton of super helpful websites that can help you.

Personally, I would refrain from internet research about sex on Wikipedia, though. Anyone can put information on Wikipedia so you don’t know if the information is reliable. I recommend sticking to other sites you find on Google, or just go through your brother’s internet search history.

Keep in mind, though, that you are only allowed to do a sex after you get married. You have to be careful about talking about it with guys at parties because there are some real shady cats out there who are trying to do a sex before marriage.

"Ugh. I wish I was like that cool guy Ricky Mulvey over there. How he regales beautiful women with tales of wonder, I do not know. How he exudes a sense of justice and kindness at the same time, I do not know. Perhaps I shall never know."

I marvel at his large hands, his chiseled forearms, and the bounce in his step.

Behold! His dancing hips rock like ocean waves in a hurricane, and the women stand dumbfounded. No! Each one is under his spell, entranced. Speechless! Can even one of them turn away from this cyclone of raw energy? For they look like crusted sailors experiencing a Siren’s song!

So there you have it; the thought process of guys at various college parties.

Also, as a side note, I have a date party coming up and somehow I do not have a date at the moment so slide in my DM’s on Facebook if you’re tryna go.