Every experience in life is a learning experience. All experiences, no matter how small or significant, provide wisdom and the opportunity to grow.
Relationships can teach you a lot about life, others, and yourself.
During high school, I was in a 3 year relationship. My first real relationship. The kind of relationship where the "L" word was dropped, where talks about the future and marriage and children were not uncommon or uncomfortable.
I entered this relationship when I was 15 years old, with no previous experience with love and with all the naivety and high expectations a young teen could have.
I do not regret this experience, as I've learned a lot from it.
My first relationship taught me...
1. Before you love someone else, you must be able to love yourself.
A couple is like two halves of a whole, but how can that whole be complete when the halves are not whole themselves? I learned that in order to have the capacity to love and care for another human being, you must be able to love and care for yourself. A relationship is work, and it's not a walk in the park. Loving yourself is realizing that you need to be your own person before you can be anyone else's.
You can't be with someone and give up growing as your own individual. Being young, there is a lot to improve upon. No one is perfect.
Two broken halves will never make a whole. Those halves must be worked upon to establish a foundation that will last.
My ex and I were too dependent on each other, which stopped each of us from being our own person.
In the end, I was unable to provide the love and respect that he deserved because I was unable to do that for myself.
2. A relationship shouldn't consume your life
When your only interest, hobby, and primary enjoyment is your significant other, you're cooking a recipe for disaster. Find a balance.
Looking back on my first relationship, I regret that my ex was my top priority at all times. I put him before my friends, family, and myself. He did the same as well.
We consumed each other, which ultimately became unhealthy. Almost everyday, for 3 years, we were together. I lost a lot of friendships because I didn't put in half the effort I put in with him. Quality time with our families, the people with us since the beginning, came second after each other. I also prioritized time with him over time with myself. Solitude and having alone time is extremely important.
A relationship shouldn't be consuming. There should be a balance between all aspects of your life that you value.
3. Love isn't picture perfect
There are so many idealized versions of love out there. From movies, to songs, to books, to even pictures on Instagram, people get a romanticized notion of what love should be like. I certainly did.
I held my ex to certain standards and when those standards weren't met, I was extremely dissatisfied. This dissatisfaction caused a lot of problems, and I was unable to see how unreasonable I could be.
I would go on Twitter or Instagram or watch The Notebook and I'd see these "relationship goals" that would cause me to have high expectations.
Since it was my first serious relationship, it would be far from perfect. He made mistakes and I made mistakes too. Again, love is a lot of work. It won't always be rainbows and butterflies. The most perfect couple you could name may not be so perfect behind the scenes.
It's impossible to have the good without the bad. Don't hold your significant other to an idea of unattainable perfection.
I will always be thankful for my first relationship and the wisdom it allowed me to gain.
