I've been struggling with this question, and I'm sure tons of other atheists and agnostic people quarrel with the same thing. You see, every time I question religion on the basis of science, someone comes up with this exact answer: "It's based on faith".

But what is faith? There are two official definitions.

1. complete trust or confidence in someone or something.

2. strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion, based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof.

And that is where my problem started.

I've put my faith in people before and they just never seem to follow through. Sure, everything could look peachy, but if faith was a strong basis for relationships then there would be no cheating, no domestic violence and no betrayals of trust. That's in a perfect world, but in our world, faith just doesn't hold up in my eyes.

That's not to say that I feel like people who trust in faith or a God are stupid, quite the contrary. I'm jealous. I'm jealous that you can blindly trust and feel happy with that decision. I understand why people put their faith in God, in heaven, and especially in Christ. It's comforting to know that you will be forgiven, and it helps you to forgive yourself. Heaven and God are comforting in their own ways; you are loved eternally in exchange for your faith.

I used to think that faith = delusion, but that's not exactly the case. Yes, I believe that faith requires some portion of the brain that does not work in the same way for me, but it's not exactly a bad thing. In fact, major studies have shown that religious people and Atheists just don't work the same, and there's benefits to both. (Here, here and here) One of those articles even paints religious people as more empathetic, while Atheists tend to have a higher intelligence level.

I've also met religious people who regard religion as more of a philosophy, and they would fall as the median in the scale of religiosity. They put less emphasis on faith (in my observation) and more emphasis on the teachings. That is a religious model that I can get behind. I can see myself finding a nice religion and engaging in following it's teachings, but faith in the supernatural elements of religion is asking a little too much of me.

I'm more spiritual then a lot of other atheists and agnostics. I believe in ghosts, but not that they're spirits, but energy. Why would there be energy left over? Because energy cannot be created or destroyed. Some could say that's faith, but I say it's a conclusion based on what I know about physics and my own personal experiences with the paranormal.

And so faith is defined as you would define it. I know many religious people who would say that the big bang and evolution is an atheists creation story, that we put our faith in science. While that may be a true definition for some, to us, it is empirical thinking based off of experimental data that has been collected and tested for years. Why do you think science can change? Because we don't just accept, we disprove.

This is why I get so upset when people try to convert me. It's not that I don't want to be religious (well, that's not how it started at least), but I feel as if I can't be religious. I have never felt the presence of Christ or of any other God. There's a disconnect in my brain, and for years it's made me feel like there's something wrong with me. Why can't I be happy as a Christian? I've tried and tried, and my latest effort has also been proven to be a failure, but this time, it offered me some insight.

Perhaps that is where the disconnect is. While other people choose faith, I choose to test. I am inquisitive about almost everything in my life: authority, ethics, religion, politics, and most importantly, why I, as an English and music major, am required to take a math class.

Reading the bible has been a good exercise for me. It's opened my eyes and made me see the reasoning behind faith. It's helped me to realize that while I personally cannot jump to put my faith into a God, people do have their reasons and I think those are wonderful. I think people who exercise faith are strong willed. Perhaps I'm not, and perhaps that is why faith has escaped me. I still don't understand the concept fully because I've never exercised it. I can't expect anyone who isn't gay or bisexual to understand what same sex attraction is like, and so I can't expect to fully understand what a faith based life is like, but I also implore religious people to learn about the other side of life, there needs to be a balance. I can't expect people who lead faith based lives to understand what an evidence based life is like either.

So faith is what you make it. Take the plunge or let it be, any choice is okay. Just let people be, don't try to convert people (either way), and don't discriminate or refuse to bake a cake for a gay couple. Live in harmony, because some people just can't exercise faith, and that's okay.

Faith is what you make it, and so is life, so let's make peace with each other before it's too late.