Failure is such a complicated aspect of the human experience. It is viewed as a negative thing because it bruises the ego and takes something away from you that you wanted. I never handled failure well while growing up. Frustration would burn through my body and feeling like things were out of my control got me down. I feel like even if as a little kid you’re not a control freak, failure is still upsetting. As you grow, you learn that failure is all around you. It is going to happen to you at some point whether it’s in a relationship, school related, something regarding your future plans or just everyday life when something goes terribly wrong.
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I believe there are different aspects of failure with different levels and areas. Failure can be an inward thing; because of you. Or it can be something entirely out of your hands, something that just happened and it affected you. Failure to deliver to your potential is on you, and that one really sucks. Knowing you could’ve done better, could’ve put more effort into something you were working on, someone you were in a relationship with, someone who needed you and you didn’t pull through, that kind of failure is hard to get past. But you must. Dwelling won’t fix anything, feeling sorry for yourself is pointless. Learn from it.
When you fail because of things that are out of your control, that too is a lesson. In my experience, don’t view it as a door shutting in your face, but rather that path wasn’t meant for you. Consider your plans and hopes as being redirected. Do not give up on your ultimate goal or dream. Approach it in a different way, from a new direction, somewhere else that can still give you what you seek. Do not let yourself get down because one opportunity didn’t work out the way you had hoped. You got this, you can make it happen.
Failure is REAL when you finish up college and enter the real world. People are going to shut you down, say no when all you wanted was to be told yes. Dream jobs are not always reachable, but that doesn’t mean that was your only hope at happiness. You are just being redirected. Don’t fight it, flow with it. Reassess your options, keep putting the effort in. Whenever I am feeling discouraged, I look up the list of Abe Lincoln's failures and am so inspired. Every time. Being told no only slowed him down for a millisecond before he was striving for what he believed in and wanted again, even if it was in a different direction that he initially started.
To get super personal right now, I’ve seen my fair share of failure. I have a muscle condition that prevents me from doing everything I want to do sometimes. I am a very active person, I love playing outside and sweating. My leg muscles have had seizure issues since I was a toddler and sometimes I can’t play outside the way I’d like and sometimes my leg seizures ruin my day or night through excruciating pain. I don’t mind writing this out because who cares, it’s part of who I am. Someone always has it worse, so if this is my struggle, I’ll take it. I’ve grown used to sometimes being told “no” by my body. It is its own failure in some sense. I can’t always get my body to work the way I wish it would.
In 2014 one magnificent neurologist at Mass General figured out what was wrong with me after many years of painful tests. He changed my life. I went to probably 9 doctors before I found him. I saw muscle specialists, physical therapists, orthopedists, you name it. Everyone would gasp when my legs would act up, scratch their heads and say “Wow, I’ve never seen this before”. Some would try different tricks and suggestions, but nothing helped. Eventually, the doctors would fall out of touch or make recommendations of someone else for me to see.
They all passed me along because I was a mystery case and no one has time for a mystery case. They were all so kind and clearly felt bad, but I understand that they have other patients to tend too and my case was incredibly unusual. I felt so much anger and frustration. Being told “I’m sorry” was actually "no" over and over again. Experiencing failure because my own body was fighting against me at the age of 21 was devastating. Failure to the point where I could no longer run more than 5 minutes or hike through the snow with my dog before my legs prevented me from going further. Failure within and failure to find what I needed to live my life the way I wanted, haunted me. I was depressed, but that didn’t mean that I was about to roll over and call it quits on all the things that made me happy and contributed to who I was. I am Cat freaking Mullin. I’ll be damned if this is the end of my frolicking outside, playing in the snow and hiking mountains. I looked all these “no’s” in the face and said two can play this game. NO TO YOU. No to these limits. If this one doctor can’t help me, let’s try something or someone else. That’s when I found the doctor who didn’t take failure as a stop sign either. He tried so many different things. He reviewed information other doctors had gathered from me and would adjust the tests and approach them differently. He eventually found out what was wrong with me. It was through that process that I learned “no” doesn’t mean “stop”. It means try again, in a different way or direction.
That is all there is to it. If you want something bad enough, if it has worth to you and will make your life better, do not ever stop going for it. No matter what aspect of your life failure is affecting or has affected, do not give up. You are just being redirected and everything is going to fall into place as it should. I believe it because I have experienced it and it is true. So, in the words of my boy Forrest Gump, that’s all I have to say about that.
