It hasn't been easy for me to let life play out the way it should and take it as it comes. I've always tried to predict what would happen when it'll happen and how I'll react to it all. Protecting myself has become my priority, but protecting those I love has always gone above me. I swore to do anything to keep them happy because as long as they're happy, I'm happy. Years after developing this primary characteristic, I've realized this is unhealthy in more ways than one.
There's nothing wrong with caring about people so much you sacrifice for them. That's what platonic, familial, and romantic relationships consist of sacrifice. But my issue was that I expected them to do the same. I expected everyone to put me first and sacrifice at the same level that I would for them. That isn't possible. Of course, it's important to have expectations in relationships. The expectation that they have your best interest in mind when making a decision that affects you is normal. But there's a limit to the type of expectations.
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Everyone doesn't have the same heart as me, and I cannot ever expect that from people in my life because that's just plain unhealthy. My happiness depended on whether or not their sacrifices were big enough or if they appreciated my sacrifices. And I would get genuinely upset that they wouldn't try and show me that they could match up to my efforts. But in all honesty, that's probably the most selfish thing I could do.
You cannot help people, sacrifice for them, and then get angry when they don't thank you. That's not how it works. You cannot expect people to treat you a specific way because that will only lead to disappointment. The fact that I thought my friends and family thought like me was selfish and cruel. I wanted them to act a certain way and treat me a certain way because I did so. And not only did my friendships falter, but romantic relationships have always been hard because of those expectations. It's not easy to get into anything with thoughts of "I know he'll let me down." "I know he'll do something to hurt me." "He doesn't actually want me." because they didn't act someway I expected or said something I planned for him to say.
I brought upon myself my own unhappiness, and I blamed everyone for my mistakes.
I can't make people be someone they're not. And I can't plan situations because they will always play out entirely different than I expected. It's taken me years to understand this and practice not planning and expecting, but I still do it.
It's not easy for someone with a constant fear of the unknown to not set expectations. It's a learning process for all who suffer from worrying thoughts to understand that whatever's to come is new to everyone. There is no way to prepare for the future besides believing you can make it through. And you can't have people in your life that you feel might leave you in an instant when they don't meet basic expectations. Enjoy the company of people you are happy with and do not need to set expectations for because you feel they're not making you happy. But also, come to terms with the fact that some of those things you wish they did aren't normal, or at a healthy level. With whatever life throws at you, make yourself strong enough to push past it and use it to grow.
