It’s easy to put your mental health on the back burner. At school I get caught up in the cycle of pending assignments and exams. I get so worked up studying to the point where if I take any time for myself I feel guilty. I feel that if I’m not dedicating 100 percent of myself to my work then I’m not giving enough. My therapist refers to this as “sprinting” through my education but in reality college is a marathon. Even the best runners will burn out sprinting a marathon. It’s this mentality that got me admitted to the psychiatric ward. School is important, work is important, but you cannot do either unless you are healthy. Being mentally healthy doesn’t have mean you wake up every morning with a big smile on your face and all your days are filled with sunshine and butterflies. It means that you are taking care of yourself by getting enough sleep, reminding yourself that you’re doing O.K, realizing that you are loved, and finding at least one thing everyday that makes you happy. I’m lucky enough to have a roommate who reminds me to do these things. At the end of everyday she asks me “What are three good things that happened to you today?” Certain days are better than others but I can always name three things. You don’t have to says these things out loud, you can also write them down. Journaling can be very therapeutic. On bad days you can look back to what you wrote on the good days.
Recovery comes in all different shapes and sizes. Somedays recovery is just getting out of bed. Other days I wake up with purpose, go to the gym and then reward myself with a really good breakfast which usually involves avocados. As mentioned in my previous essay I made a recovery plan when I was in the psychiatric ward of the hospital. I firmly believe that everyone should have a plan for when they get in anxious or manic depressive states. When writing up my plan I thought of what I really wanted when I’m upset. The source of most of my anxiety is schoolwork so the first thing I need to do is put all my work aside to just focus on myself. Sometimes just being on Ithaca College’s campus causes me to have an anxiety attack because I associate the whole campus with schoolwork, so I planned that I leave campus. Fortunately, home is only thirty minutes away. Both of my parents have made it clear to me that day I can call or text them anytime of day and tell them I need to come home. At home I can play with our dog and watch movies with my parents which is something we always do when I’m home.
If you don’t have the option of going home, or being home is what stresses you out then I suggest you think of a place you associate with joy. Maybe it’s a place you haven’t even been to yet. The main point of this plan is to think ahead of time what you really need when you’re anxious or manic so that when the situation arises you already have this plan to guide you and calm you down.
When making a plan keep the following things in mind:
Do you have an appointment with a counselor?
When?
Do you have an appointment with a psychiatrist?
When?
What are the stressors in your life?
What activities do you enjoy?
Where are places that are calming for you?
Are you willing to take a few hours or days for yourself?
Who is your support system?
What are your short term goals for recovery?
What are your long term goals for recovery?
You don’t need to answer all of these questions for yourself. What’s pertinent is that you understand the cause of your mental anguish. By understanding what is causing you pain may help you figure out how to relieve it. If you are apprehensive about talking to a therapist, I would like to assure you that once you get yourself to their office the rest comes much easier. I was nervous to seek out professional help but I realized that a new perspective or even just a comforting voice might be the key to recovering. Talking to a therapist, having a psychiatrist, and taking medications do not have to be things to be ashamed of. Taking mood stabilizing medication seem like you will become a different person, and while each drug has their own side effect, the drug effects your mood not your personality.
One day I hope that talking about mood stabilizers, and therapists will become just as easy to talk about as any other chronic illness or disease. Your mental illness doesn’t need to define you. Mental illnesses are just chemical imbalances in your brain, you are not normal. You are unique. You are a fighter because I know how hard it can be to even get out of bed.
