Since the late 20th century, marriage in Western culture has become less common and less significant. God designed marriage as a loving community between a man, a woman and Himself in which sexuality should be celebrated. Additionally, He commands that the husband be the head of the household and both partners submit to one another and to God, a relationship mirrored off the one between Christ and the Church. Despite resistance from the secular world, Christians who desire a lifelong marriage should abide by these Biblical tenets in order to have the most fulfilling marriage possible.

Marriage is first and foremost a community designed by God. When He created Adam and Eve, God understood humans so thoroughly that He anticipated their desire to live in love and intimacy with others. His original solution to this issue—the first community He created—was marriage. Furthermore, God created marriage, not just for a couple’s own benefit, but also so that couple can witness to others. So, if a husband and wife do not use their love for each other to reflect God’s love for His creation, they are not abiding by the Biblical plan for marriage.

The most basic yet most controversial principle of marriage is that it should consist of one man and one woman. in Genesis, God calls humans to reproduce, and reproduction can only take place between a man and a woman. This is a biological argument for heterosexuality, but there is also a Biblical argument. In Matthew 19:4-6, Jesus says, “Haven’t you read that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh’?” In this verse, Jesus lays the foundation for traditional marriage. Many Christians approve of those who have homosexual orientations but rebuke those who engage in homosexual activity. In Leviticus 18:22 and Romans 1:27, God declares homosexual behavior “detestable” and “shameful,” respectively. The controversy regarding homosexuality is overwhelmingly extensive; these verses do not comment on homosexual orientations, but rather provide solid Biblical evidence in support of heterosexual marriage.

In addition to the married partners, God should also be present in the community of marriage. Marriage is threefold—it involves a man, a woman and God. Because God is involved, a Biblical marriage cannot be broken as if it were a contract between humans. The vows exchanged at a wedding unite the spouses not only to each other, but also to God. In order to maintain strong and successful marriages, couples should use prayer, Bible studies and other activities to incorporate God as an active third member.

Sexual activity is natural and expected in a marital relationship, but it is sometimes difficult to think about sex in marriage when we remember that God is a member of that marriage. Feeling shame is unnecessary, though, because God created sex and encourages it between husband and wife. Unfortunately, the Church’s focus on sexual sins is partially responsible for the stigma surrounding all sexual activity. But instead of stigmatizing sex, Christians should be celebrating it! God instructed Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and increase in number,” and He repeatedly instructs husbands and wives to become one flesh (a euphemism for the sexual consummation of a marriage). Additionally, sexual intercourse binds a couple not just physically, but also mentally and spiritually. Sexual union is one of the most powerful experiences a couple can have, as they discover what a true union of two beings is like. Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks explains that through marital sexual intercourse, “we come as close as we will ever get to God Himself.” Sex within marriage is both a gift and a command from God. It is therefore a vital piece of the relationship between husband and wife.

God carefully constructed the roles of each participant in a marriage: the wife is to obey her husband, the husband is to love his wife as himself and both husband and wife are to submit to God’s authority. These instructions are repeated several times throughout the Bible. Paul states in 1 Corinthians 11:3, “the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man”; in Colossians 3:18-19, “wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them”; and in Ephesians 5:24-25, “now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” While many people—especially women—find these commands too rigid, I believe they are beautiful, when followed correctly.

Of course, throughout history, Biblical marital roles have been exploited. Some men believe they should have dominion over their wives like masters over slaves. This misjudgment often leads to abuse, both physical and verbal, and such a relationship does not represent God’s design for marriage. Abusive husbands with this mentality ignore their own role in marriage: to love their wives as Christ loves the Church. Christ’s perfect love is impossible to replicate, but if a man attempts to love his wife in this way, she should willingly submit herself to him.

The final important characteristic of marriage is its permanence. Because a Biblical marriage is a commitment made with God, the marriage exists outside of just the couple. Humans can negotiate out of legal contracts, but it is impossible to escape a covenant with God. When asked about divorce in the gospel of Mark, Jesus responds, “Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.” In addition, most social scientists have concluded that victims of divorce—both children and the divorced spouses themselves—tend to suffer financially and in future relationships, being worse off than their peers in intact families. While there are exceptions in the Bible that allow divorce, such as infidelity, they were never part of God’s original plan; God intended marriage to be a lifelong community. Though humans are sinful and often hurt others, even their spouses, reconciliation and forgiveness are always possible through following God and His plan for marriage.

In its pure, original form, marriage is a lifelong commitment to be part of a loving, sexually fulfilling community which consists of one man, one woman and God. Additionally, the woman must submit to her husband, and the man must love his wife as Christ loves the church. Unfortunately, with no-fault divorce, homosexual partnerships, and unmarried cohabitation becoming more prevalent, God’s plan for marriage is increasingly uncommon. Though the cultural weakening of traditional marriage is shocking, Christian couples should choose to abide by God’s original design, resulting in a more satisfying marriage for themselves, as well as providing the opportunity for others to see Christ’s love shine through them.