What does it mean when a woman says "It's fine"? Usually, this phrase is associated with women, and it tends to have a very negative connotation. Why do we always assume that the woman doesn’t mean it? The idea that this phrase is loaded with resentment and a desire for someone to drop everything and figure out what she is actually thinking, is unfair. Our culture puts an emphasis on how women can be crazy, psychotic, and emotional. The fact that when we hear a woman utter the words “I’m fine” and jump to the conclusion that there is always something bigger going on, means we are not taking the woman seriously.
Maybe she really is “fine." No one seems to acknowledge this possibility because of all of the stigmas surrounding women today. A woman can say she is fine and really mean it. It is not always a mind game she is trying to play. She may be saying she is fine for a reason and as a society, we should start believing her feelings in order to legitimize them.
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She may not want to seem like the “insane girl” that we have learned to so aggressively antagonize. When a girl is in a relationship, she may want to try anything she can to avoid the crazy girlfriend title. Since girls have grown up so prone to the idea that they are overly emotional and sensitive, it makes sense that they would try to stray away from this stereotype.
It’s possible that she isn’t fine, but doesn’t want to talk about it. Maybe she doesn’t want to get into a fight just as much as you don’t. There are some things that someone may simply not want to talk about. This can be hard to accept especially if we care about the person who is struggling, but sometimes a woman may in the moment need to just internalize her problem in order to overcome it.
She may be worried that she will seem too needy. Through cultural norms, women have been taught to use the tactic of saying they are fine as a way of shielding themselves from potentially coming off as crazy or "psychotic", which is a word people tend to use way too lightly these days.
The point is that women say “I’m fine”, or “It’s fine” for a reason. Women have become accustomed to either shielding their feelings or avoiding facing their feelings because of the way our society talks about them. We all seem to think that deciphering an “I’m fine” statement is a complex and multilayered process which requires several minutes of prying into the woman’s mind. Once we realize that there may be many reasons why she is saying that because of the way she has acclimated to our societies gender norms, we will be able to accept the “I’m fine” claim without fretting over what to “do” about it.
It is important to acknowledge the fact that yes, sometimes a woman says "it’s fine" to be passive aggressive or to be sarcastic, and maybe sometimes she is lying about being ok. But to assume that a woman has a hidden agenda every single time she says she is fine is an issue that our society has, and we should work towards overcoming this issue. And girls, if you are fine, then say so! But if you are not fine, don't be afraid to talk about the reason why you aren't.
