So let's say you have this job where you show up day after day, sitting there hour after hour in front of a computer screen. All the while sitting there watching the best years of your life (or at least the rest of them) be stolen away by each clickity-clack of the keyboard.

Now, let's say you're isolated in your cubical at a job where the only interactions you have in a day are with the lonely, overweight receptionist (Hi, Karen) who can be aggressively racist and who you fear is a projection of you in the future (hopefully minus the racism) and your boss who complains about anything and everything loudly from her desk. Her screeching piercing through the podcast you're listening to on your headphones while you just pray that get that 4:30 pm gets here sooner rather than later.

Again, let's just say it's a Thursday, and you are as excited as you can be being that it's Thursday and you're at work. You're just trying to make it to the weekend when your boss starts screaming passive aggressively from her desk about not one, but two relatively minor mistakes you made. Yes, you made them, yes, you admit it, and yes, you've been making more of them lately largely out of apathy, and this elevating despair you've been feeling as you've started realizing that, yes, this is really happening and yes, this is really what your life has become, and no, you're not quite sure what the next step is. Do you accept it or do you try to better yourself? Is it even worth it at this point to expect better or yourself? You don't have the answers to that in this moment, but when you look up here she is, looming over your desk, frothing at the mouth.

"Do you even know what you did? I feel like I have to fucking babysit you. If you don't think you can handle this job anymore, well you know... you can leave."

You apologize profusely because that is the only thing you can do in this situation, because again! You did FUCK UP! But then you feel something crack. She, much like global warming (or climate change, or the phenomenon that cannot be uttered now if you're in the EPA) has sent what was left of your deteriorating self-esteem berg tumbling into the icy Arctic Ocean that has become your life. She tapped into your deepest, darkest fear: YOU ARE A FAILURE. YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A FAILURE AND WILL ALWAYS BE A FAILURE. If she can see it everyone can.

You hang your head in shame, keeping it together while she's there screaming at you but the second she walks away you bolt to the bathroom because she cant see you cry. I mean you will walk back to your cubicle eyes red, and maybe today, yes, because you weren't ready she will win this battle, but from now on no, she cannot know, no, she cannot win this war.

Luckily for you, from now on you have a secret weapon. A glorious waterproof, smudge-proof makeup arsenal that will keep, even while you weep.

Anyway! First things first: PRIMER PRIMER PRIMER... both face and eyes, cuz when the waterworks start flowing and then keep flowing again, and again as you replay those words over and over again you want to be able to both dab around the eyes and down the cheeks. Primer is the glue that holds your makeup to the skin or your skin to the makeup. A good base is necessary. You know like how you came into this job all wide-eyed, and blank slate. Ready to make a difference, because this time it's going to be different. This is THE JOB. But again, days go by, and it's not THE JOB, it's just a job, and it seems the longer you stay here the further you get away from the person you once wanted to be and even the person you once were. You get up in the morning in a haze, brush your teeth, comb your hair and even puddle the primer onto your fingers before you look into the mirror and while you recognize features you don't recognize the soul. But you prime yourself anyway.

I've been usingMaybelline FaceStudio Master Prime Blur + Redness Control Primer. The green is supposed to combat the redness that creeps up in your face as the shame overtakes you. Maybe she's born with an impenetrable confidence, or maybe its... well, you know... Maybelline FaceStudio Master Prime Blur + Redness Control Primer.

Then you get to the foundation. This JOB, whether it's a capital J.O.B. job or just a job pays your bills, THIS IS WHAT SUSTAINS YOU NOW. I don't want to rock the foundation, just get through today and tomorrow. You just need to get through, today, tomorrow, the next forty years, whatever. So layer it on like kevlar. This is war and you need to come prepared: foundation, concealer, blush, contour, highlighter, eyeshadow, and... obviously if you don't already know what the biggest thing you need I can't help you, anymore...

I meant me! I'm not sure If I can help me anymore! Of course, I can help you for I am your beauty guru! You just need some waterproof mascara!

Waterproof mascara likeMaybelline® Lash Sensational Mascara! It's great for getting you through those moments where rivers and rivers or tears stream down your cheeks, and you cant breath because you're sobbing so hard, but quietly in case Karen wanders in and hears you. Eventually, you pull yourself together, flush the unpissed in toilet like it was just any other bathroom break, and make your way to the mirror. You look up and see that your mascara is in place. Its stolid countenance gives you enough comfort to know that you can do this. You are a person damn it, deserving of love and respect. Even when you feel like you're just a shell of a person you now know no bullets can penetrate you. This is how you win! This is how you make yourself great again.

Of course, this should not be your first line of defense. What you should do is get a job you love, where people appreciate the work you do, and you get to wake up enthusiastically every day, but if you don't, this is a close second, I guess.

Addendumb: I don't get paid for product placement, duh.