Manipulators are some of the hardest people to overcome because they can be hard to catch. They are toxic, harmful, and emotionally destructive. Even if they never say it aloud, they never fail to make you feel worthless and unloved. These people all have a way of tricking you into thinking they are a good person in the beginning, but once they finally have you attached to them, their real colors show. Some manipulators only make you feel and do certain things while others are abusive or take part infidelity - serious manipulators even do all of the above. They are unpredictable, selfish, charming, untrustworthy, unchanging, victimizing, and just plain mean. It can be impossible to get out of the relationship, as these kinds of people always have a charm about them that makes it hard to leave. You might think that there is still good in them.
There is not still good in them.
Afterward breaking away from this toxic person, dating again felt almost impossible. I know that there has to be decent guys out there but I am immediately turned off if he has one flaw. I am picky, mean, and stubborn when it comes to the dating process. The hardest part is that I used to have a list for a guy, but how do I know that the man who fits my list will not be just another tormentor in my life? Boys that manipulate take away all of your self-esteem and trust in, not just the opposite gender, but in all people of your life. I've even slowly cut off some of my closest family and friends from my life.
I tear apart every guy that comes my way even if they do not deserve it. I have gone on a few dates since everything but every time I find some sort of an escape. One guy I went out with I never texted back simply because he chewed wrong. I tell myself, “No guy is good enough to break my heart.” I find excuses not to date people such as, “I am just too busy.” But I am sick of being torn down just because I feel that I don't want to date a certain person. If it doesn't feel right to me I'm not going to do it. Once I do find the guy that I feel is meant to be with me, it'll happen.
It's not necessarily that I don't want to date...I just feel that I can't date. Dating gets messy and it gets hard, and I never want to have to be the one to do all the attempts at fixing what is broken on my own again. I was the kid in school that always offered to do the group projects on my own; this was a similar situation in past relationships. I need to find someone who will not let me do it all - I need someone who is a partner. I need someone that pushes me when I shut down or pushes him away. I need someone who never gives me a reason to not trust him and is continually protective of me in the ways I need him to be.
Dating after a manipulator is hard and almost impossible but I know it will eventually happen. I may be way too picky right now and maybe that just shows that I am not ready to date quite yet. I know what I want and that immensely intimidates most guys. I do thank my previous relationship for teaching me, not only the warning signs, but that it's okay to leave when I am no longer happy. Why I would I ever stick around while being miserable?
The world will never know.
