So what exactly does commitment mean to me? Since marriage obviously isn’t the epitome in my mind, for me, it’s a person’s essence. Creating something new and pure together. For most people, you guessed it, that’s children. I love children. I may want children, someday, but if the opportunity never provides itself, I suppose the world is overpopulated anyway. But how wonderful it must feel to share essences with the person whom I feel the deepest love for. Art is another form of creating that essence together, but children are what seem to be ideal. It’s so easy to make a child. What kind of mammal would we be if we did not desire to reproduce?
Evolutionarily, we would go extinct if we didn’t have that itch we felt we needed to scratch. We all have one. We fill it with things, experiences, pets, volunteering, relationships, etc. Every person wants to nurture their own little thing that brings them happiness. Children are not everyone’s path, but those who never take it tend to have some ounce of regret. I have only once, ever, in my life felt the desire to have children, and it scared the living crap out of me. Only once have I ever thought, “If I ended up pregnant, I’d be OK. I’d be nervous, but happy.”
I am afraid of commitment. I can admit that. I am terrified. Because to me, commitment is basically agreeing to having a child with someone I am truly committed to spending the next 18 to 21 years of my life with, in order to raise that child. Hopefully longer, if things are happy and well, but after so long people change. Life changes you. This leads to my views on monogamy and why I feel it has died along with our extended lifespan. But, that’s another ballpark. I’ll stay within this one, for now.
I think this is what stems the thoughts, Oh if he/she truly loves me, they should want to have children with me, and there is a lot of logic behind it. My conclusion is that that is only partially true. I’m not saying to prove your love you have to have children with your partner, but maybe you don’t have to create a child. A couple will always create something whether it be experiences, art, or a family -- there will be something. Some things are as obvious as a child, and others are as subtle as poetry, or even a photograph. Those are the hypothetical children of your relationship. Of course, real children are idealistically the result of the strongest love you’ve felt to this date, or at least to most people it is seen as such.
Seeing people have children just for the sake of having them, is repulsing to me. If I ever have a child, it will not be by accident. It will not be because I have a void to fill or an itch to scratch. It will be because I am truly and deeply in love with the essence of another being, and I want to share mine with theirs.
