Over the weekend, some friends and I went to a large open-invite party. The only people I knew there were the two other girls that I showed up with. At one point during the night, I saw somebody that I knew from class and felt obligated to be polite and say hello—that was a big mistake.
He was nice enough to me, definitely intoxicated—but it’s college, so what else is new. Things were fine until he introduced me to his friend. I am all for meeting new people and making new friends, it’s an important part of being in college. Here’s where the issue was—I decided to be too honest for his friend’s taste, and his response was to be offensive.
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As a woman, I have to deal with sloppy drunk guys that make inappropriate passes at me. That is just a part of life. Recently, I’ve felt that the best approach to dealing with this is just to be honest. For me, that turned into me mentioning that I am currently seeing somebody and that I am not looking for anyone or anything else. I chose to say that to this random boy in the least confrontational possible way, only with the goal of being polite and blatantly friend-zoning.
When this boy heard those words come out of my mouth, his immediate response was to call me a "cunt." He said it harshly and unapologetically. He threw it in my face as a label, as something that I deserved to be called. I bruised his ego, so he took his chance to hurt my feelings.
The "C" word is not a word that I use, personally. I know many people who do, I know many feminists who do as a way to try and reclaim the word, and I don’t have any major problems with them using it. I only choose not to use it because that’s how I am most comfortable.
My issue is that a man felt it was his right to try and bring me down with that word. He felt I deserved it as some kind of punishment, he felt that being friend-zoned justified being offensive. This points out another huge issue: gas-lighting.
For those unfamiliar with the concept of gas-lighting, it is essentially when one person tries to manipulate another person into thinking they’re crazy (which is about as over-simplified as it gets). An example would be telling somebody that they’re overreacting and that they’re crazy—therefore negating their emotional response for the sake of being selfish and justifying their abusive behavior.
The reason gas-lighting is important here is because it is no longer just an issue within relationships. An absolute stranger called me a "cunt" and said I was crazy for just assuming that he was hitting on me. That was an insult to my intelligence. I’m not an idiot, I know when a sloppy drunk man is making a pass at me. I stood up for myself, and I continue to stand by my choice to do so. He was not used to a woman being able to vocalize her story, his response was to belittle and attack her.
Being called the "C" word is all too common. Being gas-lighted is just as common. The issue is that nobody likes to recognize it because of how absolutely messed up it all is. Being called a "cunt" feels like garbage. It made me feel worthless and like I was the one that did something wrong. It made me feel like all I have to offer is my ability to fluff a man’s ego. But when I woke up the following morning, in bed next to the person I’m seeing who actually cares about me and would never call me the "C" word, I realized that I’m not worthless and I have a lot to offer and that the stupid drunk boy was just that—a stupid drunk boy.
His calling me that and making me feel bad only speaks to his worth as a person. His choice to tell me that I am nothing only made him nothing. His insecurities spoke through his decision to be offensive, reckless, and vicious. But the important part is that I did not, and will not, let that get to me in the long run.
Being called a "cunt" feels bad. But what feels worse is not speaking out about it.
