Being a big sister has been the most amazing gift I've ever had. Loving my little brother (going on 6) and my little sister (going on 3) has taught me some very important things about, not only life, but about myself as a person and my capacity for love. While I will never share the "true" sibling experience of pulling hair, learning to share, and sibling rivalry, I have received a very different experience. Being 15 and 18 years their senior, I have gotten to see them grow up and in a way and have really gotten to appreciate just how their personalities have molded.
I was 15 when my little brother was born. When I found out 9 months prior to his birth that my stepmother was pregnant, let's just say I wasn't the happiest camper. I didn't want to be a sister and I sure as he!l didn't want to be around a gross and obnoxiousbaby. However, my tune quickly changed the first time I held my little brother in my arms. His little hand curled around my finger and his toes dug deep into my arm. I fell in love instantly. Even on my birthday, when he puked all over me, I still loved him. My little brother quickly became my favorite person. I spent my teen years, not raising a baby, but getting to take part in shaping that little man's life.
My little sister was born just two months before I moved out on my parent's to go to college. It was one of the toughest things I ever had to do. I felt guilty not being able to be there every single day to play and sing with her. I felt like somehow I wouldn't be able to develop the deep bond I had developed with my brother. I had to make a conscious effort to play a part in her life. I HAD to be her big sister. There was no compromise. So every time I came home, I tried my best to ignore everything I needed to do and to just spend my time with them. Even as my life started to get busy and complicated, I never stopped being their sister.
I love them more and more each day.
Selflessness
When a baby is born, the dynamic of a family changes. As you welcome a new person into your home, you have to change for them and alter your habits. Your space is no longer your own and you better believe a toddler doesn't know what boundaries are. It wasn't always easy. I would get jealous or lose patience, I was a teenager. Ultimately, at the end of the day, I wouldn't trade anything for the unconditional love they have given me. Siblings aren't like parents, they are a person you choose to love. You choose them and they choose you.
Getting to be an Authority Figure AND Friend
So, being an adult with child siblings has put me in a weird category as an authority figure but also a friend. I'm not mom and dad, but I'm also not going to let them get away with shit. It is an odd dynamic that takes some time to learn to navigate and navigate properly. I want to be fair and fun but I also want them to grow up with the right mindset.
Having Perfect Little Cuties Looking Up to You
I think that my little brother and sister being born changed the path of my life. I didn't really want to go to college before them, and after, I have tried to shape myself into a person that I think they would like to look up to. I want them to look at their big sissy's life and say "I wanna be just like her!" I want to inspire them and show them that no matter what our socioeconomic status is, us Cross's are a powerful group of people and we can do anything!
My step-mom said having children is like having your heart walking outside of your body. I really thought about this and somehow being a sister feels similar. Knowing that I have a forever bond with them is the greatest gift my dad and mom have given me. They are my best friends. They are my inspirations. They are a vital piece of who I am.
