As children we can’t wait to be adults. To have the freedom to make decisions, to have complete control over out own lives. We could never have fathomed the work that would entail. Something about adulthood, from the outside looking in, seems so glamourous, the opportunities and capabilities seem endless. As I get older and begin to assume adult like responsibilities, I begin questioning what adulthood really means, when do we reach it, and how do we get there?

The law marks adulthood at age eighteen. You can vote, you can play the lottery, you can fight for your country and that means you have earned the title of adult. Some might call themselves adults at age twenty-one; now they can vote, gamble, serve their country, and drink, they have checked all the boxes and have collected all their freedoms and now they are real adults. Others mark it as the day they get their first steady job. Another might see is as their wedding day. Someone else may see it as the day they start a family. In my eyes adulthood could mean the totality of those milestones or none of them.

We can call ourselves adults when we reach the highest levels of self sufficiency and maturity. To me an adult is someone who makes sacrifices. Who recognizes that not everything comes easily and accepts it. One who has had enough life experience to recognize that not every battle is worth fighting and some things need to be let go. I don’t believe adulthood comes with a number of years lived but rather a culmination of trying occurrences that give the individual an insight that they didn’t have before.

This in no way is meant to suggest that an eighteen-year-old can not be an adult. I am fortunate enough to be friends with some who have been able to reach this high level of maturity at a young age because they started taking care of themselves long before they could vote or buy lottery tickets. Life tested them and did not make it easy but they came out stronger for it, learned from their mistakes, and moved forward and thus they were able to reach adulthood earlier than most.

One of the biggest misconceptions that I have heard is that adulthood comes with a certain socioeconomic standing. A person is not an adult just because they have accumulated wealth. Driving a nice car and living in upscale neighborhoods, while luxurious, could be a sign of hard work paid off but also just an indicator of luck. I have heard many judge individuals who have reached a certain age and are living with their parents but never heard anyone judge an individual who is living in an apartment or driving a car paid for by their parents. Adulthood is about earning what you have, and handling it responsibly.

Many times in arguments with my mother I have blurted out “I am an adult I can do what I want.” However, taking the time to analyze what adulthood looks like I realize that while I am on the path to adulthood I am in no way prepared to assume the responsibilities of and comport myself like an adult. In fact, in hind sight the phrase; “I am an adult I can do what I want” is indicative of the opposite as adulthood is about not doing what you want but doing what has to be done.