Greetings to my readers from the comfort of my Eno! I am listening to the breeze flow through the trees as I swing back in forth typing in a rather awkward position. Anyway, I am excited to share with you something today that has taken me six months, a lot of tears, much hardship, and a sense of peace at the end of it all. Sitting in this hammock really does help (although I must admit, I am about to hop on out because I can no longer type well in it).

In case you thought I was not going to do an introduction, well here it is in one sentence: I am a college junior trying to figure out the joys of life. I am leaving it close ended—you can figure out the rest about me by reading my posts, which, by the way will be real, raw, truthful, and hopefully somewhat inspiring. In the end, that is for you to decide.

Now back to the real stuff… I want to start out with the story of me. Not my life story, but the most recent story that has unfolded to allow me to capture a new worldly perspective. This story that has evoked more stress than imaginable is at last finally running out of pages and ending and I couldn’t be happier. So here goes the story:

I want to say the most recent chapter of my story of stress (chapter 20 since I am now that old) started back at the end of December. I remember it being Christmas break and, of course, I had to get ready for the upcoming semester. I was ordering my textbooks and looking at syllabi for hours one winter night. I vividly remember ordering the wrong online textbook which ended in me crying, yes CRYING about it because I was afraid that 100 dollars had just gone down the drain (I know… pathetic). As the semester started I could feel my entire body turning into one mass of stress. I felt lost. Confused. Dazed. I had no appreciation for the small things in life. My physical and mental health were much affected by this and I knew that the only thing I could was accept it. I had to let go of the fear, suck it up, and get to a counselor. I am not one to confess my emotions, but I knew I owed it to myself to find some peace.

Come February, I had met my counselor and started going to her for bi-weekly sessions. I made little progress at first and had felt like some Greek god on a quest who was being tested by everything imaginable: an engagement, a bridal party, an exam, a friend in need, another paper, darting out the door to get to class, being late for class, failing some tests, strep throat, an infection, my grandfather’s death, another failed test, a new job, a concussion, and the list continues… There was an unimaginable amount of life issues that occurred this past semester and it all made my hair a little grayer and my heart a little harder.

In May, I had my last couple counseling sessions before summer and found a great amount of peace and understanding of what this stress was doing to me. Where the roots came from and how much I feared the unknown. Flashback to a couple weeks ago when my hormones were shot and my body and mind started to shut down—super scary stuff. I never felt so different, stressed, and somewhat crazed. I spent hours online researching what was wrong with me and diagnosed myself probably with four different types of cancer. At last, the doctor confirmed nothing of the sort and I am finally relieved.

After two weeks of driving myself absolutely insane, I have had an epiphany moment. I know that life is confusing and I know that we each drive ourselves crazy sometimes, but after living in the past or future and never the present for so long—I want to move on.

Our minds are altered by what we see online, what we train our brains to think or do. I trained my brain to go into “flight or fight” mode for far too long. My automatic survival trigger was to become immediately stressed… even if it was *ahem* over textbooks. This perfectionism, this fear, this stress, and this longing to be ahead has had some pros, but I am tired of reaping the far too many cons.

We all have something similar to my own story that is causing us to live in our own world where we just try to survive. But we should yearn to live. I hope that each of you starts questioning. I hope that you make yourself become unafraid of taking chances. I learned in six months that so much has changed and that, as much as I wish I could, I cannot devote all of my time to one specific thing. It is not fair for us to keep putting ourselves last. It is unfair to tell yourself that you do not deserve the best. Never be afraid of change, questioning, or even seeing someone if you need some help. We are each our own kind of crazy and weird and it is important to accept that, within your flaws and your deepest darkest times, you are valuable, loved, and anything can be changed with a little bit of positivity, will-power, and ability to accept yourself no matter what life decides to smack you in the face with.