It's hard to come up with words to describe the college experience. Luckily, you don't have to. Monty Python already did it for you, while providing hours of entertainment and an endless number of quotes for you to throw out at your friends like the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.
1. When you read the syllabus and see all of the tests and projects your professor somehow thinks you'll have time to complete in a semester
2. When your professor tells you to read all instructions carefully
“First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more–no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.”
3. When you're trying to impress someone with your work ethic
"When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. And that one sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, and then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that’s what you’re going to get, Son, the strongest castle in all of England."
4. When someone is getting on your last nerve...
"I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
5. And they won't stop talking
"Now go away or I will taunt you a second time."
6. When you don't agree with your friend's taste in women
"Don’t like her? What’s wrong with her? She’s beautiful, she’s rich, she’s got huge… tracts of land."
7. When your professor assigns a "small reading" to "supplement" your discussion
8. When you surprise people by actually knowing what you're talking about for once in your life
9. When you meet one of "those" people
10. When all of your projects are due on the same day
It's the violence inherent in the system!
11. When you don't get enough sleep but pretend to be fully functional
12. When you have to give a big speech and completely blank
13. When everyone is too busy to join you on your adventures
14. When people don't clean up after their dogs on campus
