West Virginians are a special breed, and I'm not talking inbred breeds like so many movies like to portray.
1. Where the heck are all the gas station pepperoni rolls?
https://spoonuniversity.com/recipe/20-minute-peppe...
Everyone knows that pepperoni rolls are a god send. They're warm and soft and cheesy and just all around amazing. Some of the best ones around? The ones that can be picked up in a gas station. Weird, I know. But they're surprisingly good. What I learned at a young age, though, was that other places do not have them. Trust me. I have looked and looked, but have never found one outside of West Virginia.
2. Why are these people driving the speed limit?
Our roads may suck, but we all drive like maniacs. It's just how it is. If you try to go the speed limit within the boundaries of this state, you'll likely be ran off the road by the "Yee-Yee" truck behind your going ten miles over the speed limit. This is a hard practice to break, this speeding for survival. Sometimes, you do it when no other cars are around and sometimes, just sometimes, you become the "Yee-Yee" truck that is speeding and begging for the person in front of you to get out of the way. For me, this typically occurs when I'm out of West Virginia, you know, where people abide by the speed limit - to an extent, of course.
3. Dear god, that person can't drive. They must be from Ohio.
There is one thing that West Virginians across the bar can agree on: people from Ohio can not drive. No offense to any Ohioans, but that is just the way life works. To set the scene - Imagine you're driving behind a car driving ten miles under the speed limit. The roads are a bit curvy, but nothing out of the ordinary, other than the huge line of traffic in front of you, all held up by a white minivan at the front; coincidentally, Mr. Minivan is trying to pass a semi truck going uphill, so it's nice, disgusting little standstill. By the time the van gets around the truck, you're ready to beat your head against the steering wheel, and when you pass him, it all makes sense. He is from Ohio! (True Story...)
4. Not Ohio. New York... Same thing when it comes to driving though.
https://giphy.com/coheedandcambria
#3 portrays the first kind of bad Ohioan driver. This one portrays the second kind, the one that speeds worse than the West Virginians and - apparently - has lost the will to live. That meaning, they're driving recklessly enough to be thought intoxicated. So when we're driving in the fast lane with the cruise set on 74 - a safe number above the limit - and a car comes barreling up behind us, we all know where they're from...
5. Where are all the pot holes? Do they actually have roads that don't suck?
https://www.thatsnerdalicious.com/caffeine/smooth-operator/
Other state roads are as smooth as the dude in the above gif. West Virginia? Not so much. I remember vividly from my travels that the roads instantly improve upon putting the West Virginian state border behind me. As insane as it is, it's a fact.
6. Is that what they call a pothole?
https://www.ohmagif.com/2013/03/15/rainwater-filled-pothole-jump-fail/It's unlikely that those lucky bastards have ever had the displeasure of not seeing a pothole while driving, subsequently hitting said hole, and feeling your soul leave your body upon impact. Nothing is more painful than hitting a pothole to a West Virginian, because half of ours have no bottom. In fact, in some areas they're referred to as "cow holes." Why? Because you could hide a cow in it (gif for reference).
7. Where are all the mountains?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9q2vH8Ms00Mountains are beautiful and gentle giants, and I've come to love them, even rely on them. They're a sort of safety wall, and I don't mean from natural disasters. They just make you feel comfortable, and without them, it kind of leaves me all exposed.
8. They call that a mountain?
Seeing a sign for "Mt. Whatever" is always displeasing, because their so-called mountain is either a million times bigger than the ones in West Virginia, or they're the equivalent to a "hump" on a country backroad.
9. No, I don't have an accent.
https://www.theodysseyonline.com/11-ways-you-know-youre-from-cleveland
The gif says it all...
10. You really don't know where/what West Virginia is?
https://giphy.com/mjguzmans/
My favorite memory that comes to mind about this a comment my family received while on vacation. We took a short cruise that left from Port Canaveral, and - while at dinner one night - we were asked where we were from. We promptly responded with "West Virginia." He responded, "Ah, yes! I've sailed out of there!" No dude, I don't think you have.
sunrise
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bonfire friends
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sadness
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purple skies
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