If you've ever gotten a speeding ticket, (which you probably have because let's face, it we are all super impatient and who the hell even agreed to the 18 mph speed limit on campus?) then you probably could describe the entire situation verbatim.
Half of you cry because your parents are gonna kill you, ¼ of you cry because you're broke and the last bit of you don't care because you've got daddy's credit card and with a quick swipe it will all go away. But no matter which one of these you are, those lights turning on behind you makes us all pee ourselves a little.
"Wait so you're telling me your dumb a** went to jail for speeding?" Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. I'd love to be able to say I was defending my friend in a fight or something that made me look bad a** and loyal but no…
So I'm vroomin thru the cars down the highway leading into Atlanta. I've got two friends in the car and baby we've only got 30 mins left of that 5.5 hour drive.
That's when those blue lights came on and not only blinded me but also put me in straight panic mode.
After the cop with the porn-stache looked over my driver's license, he looked at me and said, "Miss Martin, how would you like to accompany me to the Douglas County jail tonight?!" My response…. defeated, shaking, and completely ruining my tough girl persona… "No, siiiir."
After what felt like 30 mins of standing out of my car the cop finally came out, wrote me a ticket and told me I had a court date.
I. Was. Shook.
I asked my buddy if he could finish the drive and he did. About five minutes in to the drive he looked over to me and said "it's okay.. you know Tu Pac cried too," and "Hit Them Up" started playing over the speakers…
Court Date: May 10, 2016. "Blah Blah blah… you're going to jail.. blah blah blah."
K cool.
"Bruh, how fast were you going?!"
Ok, before I answer that I wanna say I know I was going like dumb fast but… jail? That's extra AF. I was going 100 mph in a 70 mph zone.
NINE MONTHS LATER… nine freaking months later and I have my court date. At this point my lawyers already told me I'm in deep caca because this judge, "hates minors that speed"...so that's cool.
Before we walk in I waited in the car with my parents, who which by the way, were SUPER proud of me at this point…
Dad's just chillin in the front seat. Mom's holding back tears in the back because she just so sure it's gonna be like that show "Beyond Scared Straight." So to lighten the mood i put on a playlist I made for the very occasion. Songs like, "Jailbreak" by AC/DC and "Walk The Line" by Johnny cash were of course on this album.
*more tears from Mom… she didn't like the playlist*
I don't remember exactly what the judge said but I do remember when the guard handcuffed me and took me to the back… I remember this because nobody could believe I was going to jail. The cop and other lawyers were even telling my parents that there was no way.
I'm handcuffed at the point. Chillin in a holding cell.
For those of you jail noobs… when you go to jail you are asked by every single guard you come in contact with,
- Your name
- Birth date
- Why you are here.
My response was always, "Sarah Martin, July 7, 1996 and uh…. speeding." And the reply was always without fail, "No really.. why are you here?"
I was just waiting for another person in handcuffs to hear and yell, "Uh oh! We got a bada** coming through!"
Did you know SportsCenter plays the same 30 minute piece over and over for an entire 24 hour period? I didn't either…
I get three five minute phone calls. I use the first one once I'm done processing to tell my parents I'm good.
You meet a lot of interesting people in jail. You've got the meth heads who have less teeth than my 2-year-old niece, the bad b**** thats been there a few times, the creepy old dude that licks his lips when you make eye contact and the ones you can't quite place.
Me? I was the "trick that doesn't belong." The one you know has never been to jail… the one trying to act tough like she doesn't care she's there but is nervous AF inside.
I met one girl who got caught drinking and driving. She said she was just one block from home when she got pulled over. That same girl smoked a blunt before she turned herself in that day… ole girl was higher than a kite.
Another said she was at work and called the cops on a shoplifter… This poor lady happened to have the same car as the shoplifter. When the cops came they ran her plates and she was the one that got arrested due to an unpaid speeding ticket. Y'all talk about karma.
It wasn't awful. The chairs sucked. The bathrooms didn't have doors. The old men stared and I was starving but like who's complaining…
Remember back in elementary school when the cafeteria was serving fish sticks and everyone was like super peeved because fish sticks suck? That weird kid probably made a "South Park" reference about liking "fish sticks" and nobody laughed.
Well that's pretty much the same thing that happened when dinner trays of fish sticks, wonder bread and corn were passed out at the Douglas County jail house. The weird kid making "South Park" references is even there only he's 35 and falls under the "in jail for meth" category.
It's 3 a.m. … I've got six hours left. I've watched the same episode of SportsCenter 36 times and only managed to get two hours of sleep in total. At this point people have come and gone. Some were given jumpsuits and others were sent home.
Fun fact: A Douglas County holding cell has 312 cinder blocks.
I started breaking down my time in SportsCenter shows. "Ok, six more times and I'll be done."
Finally, it was time to go. The officer took me to the front entrance where my parents had been waiting. My mom ran to me like I had just been jailed for 24 years rather than hours and hugged me.
First meal after jail? Chick-Fil-A breakfast.
Finally after 24 hours in jail, $580 super speeder ticket, 40 hours of community service and 6 months of probation later… I no longer go more than 8 mph over the speed limit and I have yet to watch other episode of SportsCenter.
