Some of you know that for this year I have made it a goal to challenge myself with trying something new each month. Last month to accomplish this goal, I got a tattoo...anndd longboarded for the first time...which some of you know how that turned out (haha).
As February approached, I was trying to think of the different things I could possibly try for the first time. I certainly considered the cinnamon challenge, but I'm not about that life. So I continued pondering, then it hit me.
Due to some things I did (which I will discuss in another article), I had a falling out with a few dear friends of mine. Friends I laughed with, cried with, did homework with and essentially shared my life with. After losing these friends this semester, I've done most things alone. I have cried alone, did homework alone, and I hadn't really laughed alone because I had nothing to laugh about or anyone to laugh with. Basically, I had just been lonely. Loneliness became this walking shadow beside me that was swallowing me whole. I felt like I couldn't shake it.
One day I was rollerblading by myself, and in the middle of the trail, I just broke down crying. I cried because I hadn't had anyone to hang out with in about a month. I cried because at the moment I was convinced I would be alone forever. I cried because I believed I would be single my entire life. I'm sure to joggers on the trail, I must've looked ridiculous with these big, bulky roller blades on just sobbing. But then I inhaled, took in the view of the lake around me, and realized, being alone doesn't have to be lonely. That was when I decided to learn how to be content with being alone. Don't get me wrong, we all need community and we all need people at times, but for me, without people, I was a disaster, and I really needed to change that.
While February is usually about a month of love and romance, I decided to make it a month about individuality, independence, freedom, and contentment. In doing this, I decided to make a list of the perfect date and do all of the things on the list by myself...on Valentine's Day. I would be taking myself on a date, which would be my new challenge for this month.
The first activity on my self-date checklist was going to the carwash. Yes, someone taking me to the car wash would be a perfect date for me. Seeing the fluffy machines swirl around the car windows in bubbles galore makes my heart happy. It also resulted in a clean car so that was a plus.
The second thing on my list was rollerblading... So I went rollerblading around Boomer Lake... and this time, I didn't have a meltdown. I genuinely enjoyed myself and rollerbladed for about an hour, and it was a lot of fun!
The third thing on the list would be the hardest thing on the list. I got all dressed up, put my make up on, and put on my best self-determined face that I possibly could, and I headed to the movie theatre. For you all who couldn't guess, the movie theatre is FULL OF COUPLES on Valentine's Day. I saw all these couples holding hands and I, for split second, thought that I might've looked pathetic being at the movie theatre by myself on Valentine's Day, but I didn't care. I got my ticket, got me a large popcorn that I didn't have to share as well as a drink. I plopped myself in my favorite seat in the back without having to discuss with someone whether or not that was where they wanted to sit too. After I took my seat, I noticed couple after couple flow into the movie theatre. It made me a little sad, but I wasn't about to let it ruin my night. By the time the movie was over, I felt that going to the movies alone was well worth it. I would recommend anyone trying it. It was an empowering experience for me and made me feel like I could do anything on my own.
The last two things on my list were longboarding and walking around Theta Pond at OSU. I did both of those things by myself and had fun. But before my night ended, I decided I didn't have to spend my entire night alone, so I chose to go to Orange Leaf with some friends. Looking around at all my single friends brought great joy. It wasn't an all singles pitty party, but an all singles celebration. I couldn't have been happier spending Valentine's Day with anyone else.
I'm no longer afraid of being alone and while I made a new friend, Heather, that I hang out with almost daily, I still carve out that time for me to go to a restaurant by myself because I have found that while being around people is good, being by myself is important and in some cases can be better.
I hope you challenge yourself to take yourself on a date and explore who you are as an individual!
And for my believing friends: "...and remember, I am with you always, to the end of the age." -- Matthew 28:20
