I am in a Facebook group dedicated to chunky cats and every now and then people start funny posts to brighten their day. Sometimes it is the classic "The 6th picture in your phone is why my cat is doing a frighten" and sometimes it is this gem: weird things your roommate does but pretend that your cat is your roommate. I love this post and decided to share a few of the best ones with you! Pro Tip: every one of these posts is better if you read it as if the roommate is a human.
1. The Licker
My roommate licks my armpits
2. R. Kelly's Sheets
My roommate pees on my when I'm sleeping, humps my blankets, and licks my legs when I get out of the shower
3. The Shitty Runner
My roommate runs around the house at lighting speeds after he goes to the bathroom, poopies = zoomies
4. The Butt Wipe
My roommate will stare at me and push his butt against my leg in demand for me to scratch it
5. The French Kisser
My roommate pins my arms under the duvet so that she can lick the inside of my mouth
6. The Needy One
My roommate poops in a tray the shouts at me until I clean it up
7. I'm Stuck and I Can't Get Out
My other roommate likes to run around the bedroom at night and scream at me for help when she gets stuck behind the TV
8. Paranoid Food Hoarder
My roommate thinks that everyone who comes through our front door is trying to steal her food so she stands over it and protects it like its the last bowl of food we have and it is HERS
9. The Cock Block
My roommate sleeps between my boyfriend and I
10. The Vampire
My roommate BITES me HARD on my neck almost daily and he puts his face almost in my mouth when I sing Mar Did You Know
11. The Ecofriendly
One of my roommates likes to lick plastic bags. My youngest roommate like to take dumps in the plant in the living room
12. The Serial Pooper
My roommates will make very stinky poos and then run out of the room very quickly without any attempt to clean up after themselves. but my roommates also love to give me hugs and kisses, and are very soft and loving.
13. The Loud Mouth
My roommate loves to come in when I'm on the toilet, scream very loudly and sniff my legs
14. The Bed Hog
My roommate took the bed and left me on the floor
15. The Shower Sipper
My roommate hangs out in the bathroom in the morning while everyone in the house takes a shower because she loves to drink that delicious leftover shower water
16. Fork Fighter
My roommate once tried to get into a fight with a fork
17. Late Night Muncher
My roommate likes to sneak into our bed & bite my partners penis
18. The Attention Whore
My roommate fake limped for a whole week for more attention
19. Quicker Please
My roommate scratches on the inside of her toilet box when I'm nearby and not doing something for her fast enough
20. The Loyal One
My roommate is scared of the ceiling fan in my bedroom so he won't come upstairs at all. He sleeps on the middle step and waits for me in the morning
21. The Sweet Talker
My roommate likes to lie across my neck to butter me up before he viciously attacks my ears
22. The Anti-baby
My roommate saw a child for the first time today and freaked the f*** out
23. The Stoners
My roommate pried off the (twist off) lid to the catnip, spread it halfway across my room, on my bed, under my dresser, and into the hallway, and he and his sister spent the rest of the evening high as a kite because they kept finding little hidden piles of nip that I missed in sweeping
24. The One Who Tries
Sometimes my roommate intentionally poops just on the outside of the toilet and his poops land on the floor. Then he steals my socks to hide his poop
25. Michael Phelps
One of my roommates used to paddle in the toilet (I have video evidence)... until the time he tried it with bowl cleaner in there. Hasn't done it since
26. Nail File Needed
My roommate sits on my stomach and stabs me with her finger nails
27. The Girls Grabber
My roommate touches my boobs while I'm trying to sleep and punches me occasionally in the face while sleeping
28. The Alarm Clock
Every morning around 6 am my roommate yells at me from my bedroom chair over and over again until I get up and make them breakfast. If I go t do this fast enough they take s running jump from the chair onto my body and keep doing it until I get up. Thankfully they leave me alone after that, for an hour or two. Then they climb on top of me and fall sleep!!!
29. The Turd Tracker
My roommate sometimes doesn't finish pooping before he exits the toilet and then drops tiny turd nuggets on the floor. or worse, they get caught in his butt hair and he leaves them in the bed for me to find later
30. The Herd
My biggest roommate climbs into the shower when I'm in there and refuses to get out unless I wash him, and then he "dries" himself in my bed. My two smallest roommates like to try to stick their heads in my mouth when I'm eating. All three of my roommates sleep on top of me and scratch me when I get up for work.
