My entire life has been "weird" in one way or another. I was born ambidextrous; I never liked Justin Bieber in grade school; none of my friends have ever heard of my top ten favorite bands; the list goes on. I even wrote my graduation speech over my black sheep-ishness. I had always thought that I embraced my differences well but when I got to college, a part of me felt unfulfilled and empty. I was craving something, but that was all I knew. What was I craving? Was it satiable? Could I find out?
Luckily for me, I did find out and it has been a beautiful revelation. Although it may sound utterly shallow, I found my answer in fashion. It all started with this pair of shoes from Amazon. I have fun wearing makeup, but I don't like wearing it every day. However, I still wanted to make a statement with my appearance, and so I fell in love with shoes and clothing. I felt I was comfortable standing out from other people right from the first glance, even though I didn't yet know what that meant.
Although I'm sure I sound hopelessly materialistic, I wouldn't say this has been an entirely shallow experience. My motivations came from a desire for confidence, not branding or ostentatious glamour.
To my utmost happiness, my intentions have succeeded, but not at first. When I first got those shoes, I could not begin to tell you how nervous I was to go out in public. I have never enjoyed being in the spotlight and surprisingly enough, I did not want people looking at me. I simply wanted an outlet through which to express myself. I was additionally nervous on the day of the shoes' debut because of one class I was wearing them to. Only a week or two before this day, I overheard a conversation between the professor of the class and another student, who were essentially making fun of another student's outfits. I remember the professor saying that they did not understand the extreme degree to which that student chose to wear their clothes. In that moment, my heart broke.
That was when I realized that I was going to use my predilections to my advantage, and I felt excited. I remembered the recent influx of social media articles screaming out against judgments for the appearance of other people, and I wondered - are these advocates honest? I figured there was no way to really know unless I became the specimen to be judged.
If drama sells, I wouldn't be selling a lot. I got more looks from strangers than usual but overall, I had many compliments and accolades for setting my own standards for confidence - and I felt it too. I felt so safe and at home in myself, like never before. Now, I don't feel any fear when I step out of my home with bright blue eye shadow or holographic jackets.
I believe that Edgar Allan Poe speaks for us all in his quote, "there is no beauty without some strangeness." May we all find beauty in the weird, or at least be nice to those who do.
