Every pale person understands the struggle that is the burning desire for tan skin. No matter the season, our skin is borderline translucent. The opportunity to go on a spring break vacation is accompanied with the fear of extreme sun burn coupled with the burning appetite for a golden complexion.

Day One:

Ok, this year is going to be different. I am going to take care of my fragile skin. I solemnly swear, I will not leave the house without sunscreen, a hat and more sunscreen. The SPF will not dare to be lower than 75 and I will survive this vacation without a glimmer of sunburn.

Day Two:

Alright! This is great! I laid out all day, reapplying my sunscreen every 20 minutes and have absolutely no sunburn to speak of! I think I even got a few more freckles and if you squint really hard in a dark room I sort of look a little tan!

Day Three:

This sucks. My friends are already revitalizing their healthy glow from this long, sunless winter. They look so tan. Ok, I’ll just use a little less sunscreen today. Like maybe SPF 50 or 30 if I’m really feeling crazy.

Day Four:

Why do I do this to myself? WHY!? I think I can lay out for six hours only using SPF 30 a reapplying every hour. I am dumb. I am a disgrace to the reapplication rules, and sun protection protocol my parents spent 18 years trying to engrain in my mind. I am red. No, that is being generous, I am more red than a sunburnt lobster. My color is indescribable. They do not have a word for a red this blistery and disgusting.

Day Five:

Live update: still more red than a stop sign but the pain has begun to subside. I could not leave my bed all day, much less go back to the beach. I’m praying for a victorious return tomorrow.

Day Six:

Wearing a t-shirt, a bucket hat, sunglasses, and SPF 100, I make a triumphant return to the beach. My sun burn is starting to fade and now it is more of a vibrant pink than a red. The pealing stage has begun but that isn’t holding me back from my last day of sun before returning to the gloom of winter.

Day Seven:

I leave my tropical vacation, going home to 30 degree temperatures and heavy clouds. My sun burn is still fading but the pealing is at an all time high. I begin to mentally prepare myself for every person making a comment about my repulsive coloring and shedding skin.

Next year, I am going to be so safe and survive break without so much as a splotch of sunburn. Hahaha…yah right.