I am lucky to have been raised by amazing parents who had the means to support my varied interests: violin, gymnastics, soccer, honors classes, choi -- you name it, I had the opportunity to try it. My school district ranks as one of the best in the country, and many of my peers were also very engaged and involved, both in school and in extracurriculars. I wouldn't trade this rich and stimulating upbringing for anything. But like all things, there is more than just one side to it.

Many friends from my hometown, and college friends from towns like it, grew up feeling an intense pressure to do it all-- which, for many of us, has led not only to burnout, but also to compromised mental, emotional, and physical health. I know people who cared so much about getting the best grades that they essentially didn't sleep or spend any time with friends. I've watched others struggle with eating disorders fueled by a desire to "perfect" their bodies for a sport. Others have already written about the negative effects of competition-based messages, whether intentional or not, on the students of my high school district, which focuses heavily on college-prep.

I won't belabor that valid point, but will instead share how cultivating gratitude and self-awareness has helped me, since, to distinguish between limiting expectations or pressures and freeing opportunities. It is possible, through practices like gratitude, for you as an individual to translate an abundance of opportunity and encouragement into a focused, healthy, sustainable, and fulfilling lifestyle that yields more gratitude rather than overwhelm.

Why I Love My Gratitude Practice:

1. (from Week 1) It helps me maintain a positive attitude in the face of disappointment, frustration, and pain. Not every day is a good day, but there are good things in every day!

2. (from Week 2) It reminds me to be mindful and live in the present, instead of worrying about the past or future.

3. It demonstrates that change is inevitable -- and that's a good thing! No matter what changes, there will still be so much to be grateful for.

A close friend told me a few years ago that I didn't do well with change, and at first I was offended. That's not true, I thought to myself-- but then I realized I couldn't name much voluntary change I had undergone. Or, rather, that all the big changes I had experienced were unavoidable: going from junior high to high school, puberty, etc. And for the ones that were avoidable, I'd navigated them by trying to seize control of every single detail. I had a color-coded four year plan of which courses I would take and when before even starting high school. And, wow, was I grateful for the feeling that plan gave me immediately after making it, and for the feeling of accomplishment each time things went to plan! But then, each time I was unable or unmotivated to follow through with any part of the plan, I felt lost and guilty. I realize now that I was extremely anxious about change, about the unknown-- so I tried to make sure I knew what it would look like. And anytime I had the urge to deviate from this path I could visualize and felt prepared for, I feared following that urge would mean I missed out, or that I wouldn't be as fulfilled or successful in whatever new challenges I took on. Instead of embracing gratitude for discovering a new desire in myself, and for the new opportunities this unknown path might afford me, I engaged in a largely inaccurate and fear-based kind of comparison and analysis.

A lot of this is perfectly natural, of course, especially as a young person who, in certain ways, must live according to the preferences and constraints of others. But as life opened up in college and became less externally-structured and more self-driven, this desire to have my future fit within my expectations brought me more stress than it did real security. As I confronted multiple changes in my majors, shuffled, discarded, and replaced my extracurricular commitments to fit my real passions and capabilities, I realized that the value in a plan was in having one to start out with, and in adjusting it and refining it as you go-- not necessarily in sticking to that plan until the end. I noticed that I felt a rush of relief and gratitude each time a faculty or staff member assured me that my plan could and should change, and that this didn't mean failure-- it meant I was listening to myself and facing my fear of change.

More recently, with the implementation of my formal gratitude practice, I am even more attuned to the guiding force that gratitude can be. Having a plan and checking off accomplishments fills me with gratitude: so, these must be good things. Holding myself to a "safe" plan rather than to my own feelings distresses and exhausts me: not so good. Allowing myself to pursue a new and exciting challenge, face the unknown, and then achieve something I had never imagined for myself? After that, I'm practically bursting with gratitude, for the people who helped me see it was possible and positive and for myself for putting my fear aside and going for it. Clearly, this must also be a good thing. By focusing on the positive-- my feeling of gratitude-- rather than on my fear-- my desire to hold onto old plans, expectations, and pressures-- I've been able to approach big changes and scary unknowns with excitement and curiosity.

Change is inevitable; no matter how hard you try, you can't avoid it. So you may as well embrace it and make it your own! If there are things you love and are grateful for now, then odds are that there will be new things you can't even predict that will result from the change-- new things to be grateful for that will bring you just as much joy as the things you stand to lose.

Tips for Creating Your Gratitude Practice:

1. (from Week 1) Write it down!

2. (from Week 2) Show gratitude for your body: get in touch with it and care for it above all else.

3. Invest your time, money and energy in a way that reflects what you truly value. It follows that your life will be more full of the things that make you feel most grateful.

As the weeks have gone by in my gratitude practice, I've made a conscious effort to notice patterns in the kinds of people, places, products, and activities that show up in my gratitude journal again and again.

For example, I love coffee! I'm a barista, so it's my job, but it's also something that brings me so much pleasure; I often write things like "dirty chais," "a perfectly symmetrical rosetta," "single origin Ethiopian espresso," or "the aesthetics of specialty coffee shops" in my gratitude journal. Some people would never spend the amount of money I spend on coffee on a daily basis-- but if it brings me so much joy and pops up in my gratitude practice, then I'd say it's worth investing in.

In general, people will always have tons of advice (solicited or not) about what you should do with whatever money you have. To me money and how you spend it should be as accurately as possible a reflection of what is important to you, of the things that truly fulfill you. Most of my money goes to my living space, transportation, food, drink, yoga, other health supplies/services, books, art, tattoos, trips, and gifts for people I love. These are the things that make me happy and keep me happy! Some of those things are pretty consistently important for anyone's health and happiness, but certain small things, like the small essential oil diffuser and lavender oil I bought last month, bring me way more joy than they might bring someone else-- that's fine! For you it might be having killer shoes or a membership to the nicest gym or season tickets to your favorite teams games. As long as you're taking care of your basic needs and spending your money proportionally, in a way that reflects the true value of that thing for you relative to the amount of money you have, then don't let anyone tell you you're spending on the wrong things. My tattoos pop up in my gratitude journal all the time-- they make me feel beautiful every time I see them!

Money isn't the only way you can invest in the things you care about; your time and energy are just as valuable. In the last few months, I've taken a major step back from a lot of the commitments I've maintained over my college career, so that I could devote myself more fully to my health and to my writing. I realized that the amount of my day I spent working on things for other people completely dwarfed the amount of consistent, focused time I reserved for the two things that were supposedly most important to me. Now I spent way more hours of my waking energy each day on those two things combined than on any one other thing, and that feels way more right. My gratitude practice reminds me every single day how much of a difference that is making for me. Now, instead of writing I'm grateful I got a chance to write a poem last week-- I just reread it, I can write I'm grateful for the growth I'm seeing in my revisions today, after showing my poems from last week to my workshop group yesterday.

Of course, it's important to share your time and energy on others sometimes, and to practice flexibility and compromise in life. But it's unnecessary and unsustainable to take on every challenge that is presented to you, to spend a ton of energy toward getting an A+ in bio just because your parents care about science, or to hold an executive position with a large time commitment in an organization you're only involved in as a resume builder.

Does this sound like you? You may want to consider that while it's important to move out of your comfort zone, try new things, and follow through on your commitments-- the priorities that are most likely to fulfill and support you are your own. Joining a club or working hard in a class because you care deeply about learning from them can build confidence and help you discover new facets of yourself. Doing so because you feel like you should or because someone else things it's more practical than what you'd rather spend your energy working on just reduces the likelihood you'll perform your best and get the most out of your experiences in general. You'll be grateful to yourself down the line if you prioritize the things that matter to you.

That's it for Week 3! Is it alright that these seem to be getting longer each week? There are just so many things to say! I'll leave you with two quotes this time:

"Whatever you're feeling, it will eventually pass. You won't feel sad forever. At some point, you will feel happy again. You won't feel anxious forever. In time, you will feel calm again. You don't have to fight your feelings or feel guilty for having them. You just have to accept them and be good to yourself while you ride this out. Resisting your emotions and shaming yourself will only cause you more pain, and you don't deserve that. You deserve your own love, acceptance, and compassion." -- Unknown, via @m_eye_nd

"The key is not to prioritize what's on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities." -- Stephen Covey