Maybe your writing skills are a point of pride, because you always ace your essays for English class, flawless grammar and uncontested rhetoric guaranteed. I mean, who knows, maybe you're even an English major now, with plans to be a writer, an editor, a critic—whatever gets you excited for that inevitable future career of yours. After all, time certainly flies. Remember how long ago middle school was? You'd go on the computer straight after school, right to YouTube, scroll through the comments of funny videos, and—oh? What's that say? Your?
"You're*," was your immediate response, so much condescension filling you, you were positive it soaked through that one word alone, because you were a savant. You were the dreaded Grammar Police at the terrible age of 12.
Nowadays, you've most likely changed your ways. And by that, I mean you most likely don't feel like spitting on the hands that made those typos, so much as you wish the owners of those hands would use their eyes too (Have they never heard of revision?!). From your/you're to their/they're/there mistakes, these typos make you realize you'll always be a part of the Grammar Police:
1.) I defiantly want to hang out later!
The enthusiasm is so endearing, if a little intimidating. Undoubtedly, us Grammar Police will let out a resigned sigh, text back a loving, "Yeah! See you then!" with a smiley face that hardly belies the frown we'll be sporting. Defiantly doesn't even sound like definitely!
2.) My two textbook's combined price is honestly ridiculous!
I agree with you on textbook prices being ridiculous, but the apostrophe's place? Not so much. Two texbooks means a plural noun, so the apostrophe goes after the s.
3.) You've certainly peeked my interest (;
4.) There's alot of stuff I have to unpack when I get home!
There certainly is a lot to do. As in, not alot or allot (The latter of which, by the way, is an actual word! And not a synonym for a lot, because that's the way the English language works). Don't let the most fearsome monster in modern literature ruin your fantastic works of literary art.
5.) The jacket Sarah borrowed from me was never given back.
Our professors harp on us about passive voice, but for good reason! The sentence above is weak and awkward, which is a huge no-no, especially in an academic setting. Sarah's such a jerk for not giving back you jacket, but passive voice is a real jerk for not letting that full-fledged indignation shine.
6.) We insure a discount if you order early!
By far one of the worst errors us Grammar Police encounter, simply because authors of even academic papers erronously use insure. Frankly, ensure needs so much more love, if only because us Grammar Police need a break.
7.) Cam studies for neuroscience every night, I hope he aces the class.
Everyone, make use of your semi-colons and your periods. They're on your keyboards for a few reasons, and will ensure you avoid comma splices like Cam's friend writes above here. Us Grammar Police see comma splices all the time and they're just a recipe for disaster, i.e., run-ons.
