WE WERE ON A BREAK

Disclaimer: So, I was stuck in a 6-hour car ride with 3 college-aged guys and we were on the topic of on 'Friends', whose fault was it when Ross and Rachel broke up? This conversation lasted for probably 2 hours and still hasn't ended. I constantly stated it was Ross’s fault, while of course all the boys took Ross’s side and claimed it was Rachel’s fault. The best thing to say is that I was challenged to re-watch the episodes to see who was right. So I re-watched the 6 episodes that involved Ross and Rachel’s relationship and took my unbiased opinion out of it while writing the notes on it.

First, there are spoilers (duh).

Second, this is not about IF Ross and Rachel were on a break. They were, Rachel stated, “Ugh. Let’s take a break…a break from us.”

Now onto the more important issue: Who was at fault for their relationship ending?

Season 3 Episode 11

Mark is eating at the restaurant Monica works at and overhears Rachel complaining about her current job. Mark offers her a job even though this is the first time meeting her. Later, Rachel tells Ross that she has an opportunity for a job interview that she got offered from a customer at Monica’s restaurant named Mark.

Ross is happy initially but then claims that Mark just wants to fool around with Rachel (this is true). Ross asks Joey if men are just nice to strange women, Joey says, “no, only for sex”. Later when Chandler makes a mistake with a girl, Ross proves again that men aren’t "just nice." Four times later Ross won’t stop bringing up Mark, which if he knew what was good for him he would’ve let it go.

Ross claims he wants good things for Rachel but proceeds to get very mad and jealous when Rachel calls Mark to ask about if she got the interview.

Monica reminds Ross that even if Mark wants to sleep with Rachel, that doesn’t mean Rachel will let him. Monica asks Ross if he trusts Rachel and he hesitantly says “yes,” so Monica tells Ross to get over himself because it isn’t about him, it is about a great thing happening for Rachel (TBH, Monica wins at life).

Ross meets Rachel after her interview and apologizes. While Ross is there, Rachel finds out she got the job and immediately hugs Mark (This is very garbage of Rachel, I understand Mark got you the job but, come on hug your boyfriend first).

Season 3 Episode 12

Ross turns over a new leaf and is actually supportive of Rachel’s new job and offers to take her to lunch on her first day but she already had lunch plans with Mark.

Ross complains about Mark

While at work, Mark answers Rachel’s phone when Ross calls. This is understandable on Rachel’s side because Mark was helping her and they literally work in front of each other. But on Ross’s side, just the thought of the two of them in one office is annoying.

Ross sends Rachel a bunch of romantic gifts that cover her desk, making her unable to work. Rachel explains Ross is just romantic but then Ross sends a quartet to sing to her (this is downright embarrassing and very dramatic).

Ross claims he sent those things out of love

Rachel says Ross acted like he was marking his territory.

Ross goes to Rachel’s work and hears Rachel say a remark about how sweet Mark and his date/girlfriend/I don't know who the girl is that he dates for 2 seconds. Ross overhears this and thinks Rachel is saying sweet things to Mark. Also, the girl Mark was with looked exactly like Rachel from behind and was wearing the same outfit. So Ross thinks it is Rachel making out with Mark and screams at Mark. (first, that is really hard to explain so if you are still confused just re-watch that part of the episode. Second, this is just a horrible identity crisis for Ross).

After Ross attends a Bachelor party, he discovers that the stripper has a son about Ben’s (this is Ross’s son because you probably forgot he had a kid) age and they decide to take the kids on a play date. When Ross tells Rachel where he is going and with who, Rachel gets very jealous that Ross is going to spend a long time with another — most likely very pretty — woman and hates that she is a stripper. (The point to this is that Rachel realizes how Ross has been feeling with all the time she spends with Mark)

Season 13 Episode 13

Rachel tells Ross that she has to work late again. Ross gets disappointed but Rachel makes it up to him by offering a sexual favor, so clearly, he says he is OK with it now.

Season 13 Episode 14

The episode starts with Ross visiting Rachel at work and learning that Mark quit his job at Bloomingdale's. By Mark quitting his job, Rachel is now having to adjust to working a two-person job. Later in the conversation, Rachel hugs Mark goodbye and tells him she will see him on Saturday for a fashion lecture.

Once Ross and Rachel are back at Monica/Rachel's apartment, Ross tells Rachel she shouldn't go with Mark and Rachel points out that Mark is just her work friend and they have the common interest of fashion. Ross claims he would love to go to a fashion lecture and Rachel gets excited that Ross is interested in her job.

Ross and Rachel attend the fashion lecture, Ross won't stop talking through it and falls asleep and snores during the lecture. Which is a very embarrassing and rude thing to do to Rachel.

When they arrive back at the apartment, Rachel yells at Ross and he exclaims that it was 45 minutes of fashion talk (come on Professor Ross, all college classes are longer than 45 minutes). Rachel then retaliates that she sat at a 4-hour lecture for Ross but she didn't fall asleep.

They both continue to bicker and talk down one another's jobs until Ross states that he didn't go just because Mark was supposed to. That Ross just wanted time with Rachel because her new job is so busy and he wants to a part of her 'new life'. Rachel explains to Ross that she loves having her work life separate from her personal life because it is something she is doing all on her own (for the first time). Rachel asks him if that's OK and Ross says sure but when hugging her mouths "NO." (Right then Ross should've voiced his opinion about how he really felt).

Season 13 Episode 15

The episode starts with Ross stopping by Rachel's apartment on their anniversary and talks to Monica about how Rachel has canceled on him that week. Ross calls Rachel at work and she explains that there was a disaster with shipping and she has to get an order in and that she would be there all night. Ross offers to come by her work and Rachel says no that she has so many things to do.

~The shipping disaster was the store number on the purchase order was wrong, the person to approve this order was Mark (aka Satan), so Rachel staying late at work that day was truly not her fault.~

Ross shows up to Rachel's work anyway, Rachel tells him that it is very nice of him to come but she has a crisis. Ross ignores her and starts to set up a picnic anyway. Ross continues to cause multiple disruptions while Rachel is on the phone (Ross makes extreme loud noises and causes a fire). Rachel tells Ross that she doesn't have time and Ross claims this is the most time he has seen her all week. Rachel says she has a deadline and she will see him at home, Ross gets mad and leaves.

Rachel comes home very tired and goes to say something when Ross cuts her off and says, "It's OK, I understand you were stressed." Rachel gets frustrated and says she was going to give him a chance to apologize to her. Ross responds by saying, "for what trying to have a nice dinner?", and Rachel says that he had no right coming to her office. Ross sarcastically says, "My bad for wanting to be with my girlfriend on our anniversary".

Rachel then says that she told him she didn't have the time and Ross complains and says she never has the time and he feels like he doesn't have a girlfriend anymore. Rachel questions him and asks if he wants her to quit her job so he can feel like he has a girlfriend. Ross states he doesn't want that but she need to realize that it's just a job. Rachel explains that this is the first time in her life she is doing something she cares about, that it is something she is good at. Ross then jumps to conclusions and asks if this is about Mark. Rachel gets emotional and says she can't keep having the same fight, that Ross is making it too hard and they should take a break.

Once Ross has left, Rachel is very upset and Mark calls her and makes a remark about how that day was her and Ross's anniversary (gosh I hate Mark so much). Rachel tells Mark he doesn't need to come over and Mark goes anyways.

Ross meets Chandler and Joey at a bar and they tell Ross to call Rachel and work it out.

Meanwhile, Rachel and Mark are at her apartment and she tells Mark she didn't want to take a break.

Ross calls and him and Rachel talk things through, but Ross hears Mark talking in the background, gets mad and hangs up.

OK, this I understand on Ross's side. He is assuming that Rachel and Mark are being romantic

Ross is still at the bar and the Xerox girl (her name is Chloe, but we don't like her so this is a girl who works at a copy/printing place for those who don't know) kisses Ross and he kisses her back...

Rachel is left alone and calling Ross all night.

Season 13 Episode 16

At the beginning of this episode, Rachel tells Monica that she and Ross kinda broke up.

~Never realized that Rachel makes two references to her and Ross being broken up and at one time claims that they indeed were on a break~

Rachel continues to say she wants to make it work with Ross.

Ross realizes the next morning that he had sexual intercourse with the Xerox girl. Rachel leaves a message on Ross's answering machine saying that there was nothing going on between her and Mark and this whole break up thing is stupid and she was sorry to put Ross through this.

Rachel shows up at Ross's apartment (the Xerox girl is still there but is hiding), Rachel asks Ross if she can be his girlfriend again and Ross says yes.

Ross talks to Joey and Chandler and he acknowledges his mistake and wants to be honest and tell Rachel, Joey and Chandler just tell Ross he needs to make sure no one tells Rachel first.

Gunther ends up being the one to tell Rachel about it.

Back at the apartment, Rachel and Ross argue and Ross says he wants to talk about it. So Rachel asks Ross how the sex was and Ross says it was different (Ross...like why). Rachel asks if it was a good different and he says nobody likes change (why you got to be honest at the wrong time).

Ross says the Xerox girl meant nothing to him and Rachel says yet she was worth jeopardizing their relationship (good point). Ross says that he thought they broke up and Rachel states that they were on a break (interesting). Ross states that for all he knew could last forever and that to him it was a break-up. Rachel says, "You think you're going to get out of this on a technicality?", Ross says he wasn't trying to get out of it that he thought their relationship was dead. Rachel says, "well you had a hell of a time at the wake".

Ross states that none of this would've happened if he didn't think that she was having sex with Mark.

Rachel says, "Let's say I had slept with Mark, would you forgive me?" and Ross grudgingly says yes. Rachel continues to poke this at him until Ross doesn't want to hear it anymore and he says that he would've been devastated but he would still want to be with her.

Ross reminds Rachel that he wasn't the one who wanted the break that she bailed on their relationship when things got too hard.

Rachel tells Ross he should go and Ross wants them to work it out.

Rachel says she never thought he would hurt her and she can't stop picturing him with that girl. Ross leaves and the world practically falls apart.

So that is an episode by episode on what happened to cause Ross and Rachel's break up.

Reasons why Ross is to blame:

If it had not been for Ross's insecurity and jealousy, Rachel never would have initiated the break. Ross kept pushing the whole "Mark" thing on Rachel, and it was unnecessary multiple times. Ross showing up at Rachel's work to "have dinner with her" would've been fine if he sat aside and let her finish her work. If Ross hadn't been so much of a disturbance then Rachel probably could have finished up at work sooner than she did.

Ross's arrogance and possessiveness to be right went too far and pushed Rachel over the edge. Ross made assumptions about Rachel and Mark that went too far, but I too would hang up if I had heard Mark talking in the background. Ross should have been honest about how really felt when Rachel asked him if it was OK that her work life was separate from her personal life. While Ross was right that it was just a job, he needed to show more respect for Rachel's work instead of making up things about her and Mark. Ross's insecurities drove him to push Rachel away, he probably went a little over a week without seeing Rachel all the time.

That happens to couples all the time, Ross should have let Rachel get adjusted to her brand-new job. If Ross would have said nothing about Mark then Mark leaving for another job wouldn't have made an impact whatsoever. The emotional damage Ross left on Rachel was going to be very difficult for Rachel to handle. Not only was Rachel in a bad place just at the thought of their relationship ending, but now she has had a person she loves cheat on her. Ross knew emotionally he was not stable when he was at the bar, he should've gone home instead of staying around.

Reasons why Rachel is to blame:

To Rachel, she thinks of Mark as a friend, but from an outsider's perspective, she did some things that were questionable. The instance of hugging Mark instead of her boyfriend after she gets an amazing job and letting Mark come over after her and Ross fight were both uncalled for. Rachel is the one who called for the break and the break up (psychologically they are two different things but that's for another day). While I understand that Rachel's job is a huge deal because she worked her way up to it and she is finally doing something on her own, Ross was right in that it is just a job. I don't know any bosses who would fire an employee for the mistake that a former employee made, so the crisis could've waited.

Reasons why Mark is to blame:

What kind of creep offers a stranger an amazing job? Also, so sneaky of him to mess up a shipping order on the anniversary of Ross and Rachel to cause conflict in their relationship (I see you, Mark). Plus I hate that he started talking on purpose while Rachel was on the phone with Ross, just so Ross would know that Mark was there. Also, Mark, you do not invite yourself over to people's homes when they say you don't need to come (rude). Mark is so extra by essentially tricking Rachel to take her job over her relationship with Ross.

Whose fault it really was for the ending of Ross and Rachel's relationship:

29%= Rachel

31%= Ross

40%= Mark

Even though Rachel is the one who vocally called ended the break-up, it is Mark who snuck his way in to pin Rachel against Ross that takes the cake. Without Mark, there would have been no jealousy, no work problems, no assumptions, no mistakes. Mark knew how to work his way with women and knew which buttons to press to make Ross jealous. Of course, we will only give Mark credit for giving Rachel her first big-girl job at Bloomingdale's. Other than that, Mark is awful human.

If Mark is not involved on the "who is to blame," then it would go to Ross. Ross lets his insecurities and lack of trust start to shake his relationship. If Ross has never overreacted then Mark would have just been a co-worker of Rachel's, instead, Ross's complaints pushed Rachel to talk to Mark more than him. While Rachel did some things that were uncalled for and questionable, Rachel never intentionally did anything to hurt Ross. Ross did multiple things to prove to Mark that Ross was Rachel's boyfriend and constantly made a fool out of himself.

The debate is now over.