This past week, after months of tireless campaigning, expired domain names, and minimal applause, the great Jeb! Bush has dropped of the race to be president. Although he may not have been the strongest candidate in his policies, he brought a certain something that really allowed him to stand out from the crowd.
1. He had at least one eye on the prize at all times.
That means sometimes he had two! I was unable to find any definitive answer to whether or not he truly has a lazy eye, but that just added to his intrigue, his sense of mysteriousness, that kept me looking for more. You never knew if one of those eyes could have been looking at you, but you knew at least one of them was looking ahead to the brighter future he could have brought this country, right up until the very end.
2. His dad and his brother were both president.
How would you feel if your dad and your brother were president and you were unable to continue that legacy? No one should feel inadequate in that way. It's devastating to see Jeb!'s sad little face plastered all over the television and newspapers having dropped out. Just imagine how awkward family dinners are going to be after that. We're missing out on what could have been the greatest presidential dynasty in United States history.
3. Any other candidate is going to look super creepy as a commemorative teddy bear.
Okay, maybe not Bernie Sanders, but I would say that every other candidate will be really scary as a teddy bear. Jeb! already looks cute and cuddly and would lend himself perfectly to some adorable presidential memorabilia--not to mention the bobbleheads. I know I would buy 35 each.
4. He is the only candidate who makes you excited just by saying his name.
The same way I think all soccer refs should be named Clete, all future presidents should be named Jeb!. Just saying his name makes me smile and gives me hope for a bright future.
5. He's super polite.
How many politicians do you know who end speeches by saying, "Please clap?" Not very many. His mom, Barbara Bush, even says Jeb! is "almost too nice." He never interrupted the other candidates during debates, so you could always understand everything he was trying to say, without having to tune out the other loud mouth meanies in the room.
6. His winning headline could have started with "Florida Man."
Everyone knows the best headlines start with "Florida Man." "Florida man rides naked on an alligator through a Walmart parking lot." Classic. Jeb! may not originally be from Florida, but he was their Governor which is reason enough for us to award him the ultimate title of "Florida Man."
7. If he won, it would have been super easy for kids to learn the names of all the presidents.
Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama, Bush. Doesn't get any simpler than that.
Jeb! Bush's Campaign
June 2015-February 2016
Gone, but not forgotten.
Our dearest Jeb! certainly will be missed. But there is hope that he may run again in 2020—that is, if Trump doesn't run our country into the ground, more-so than it already has been.
