This may not be very MATURE of me and you may think this is a bit CHEESY and I’m a MUENSTER for even thinking of a topic like this and how DAIRY she write this and I bet you’re thinking that you probably have CHEDDAR things to do than to read this, but hopefully you’ll find your star sign cheese GOUDA and will be FONDUE of this article because this NACHO ordinary horoscope.

Aries (March 21-April 19)

AMERICAN CHEESE - Energetic, courageous and determined but also moody, impatient and aggressive. Aries would most definitely be American cheese because they have all the traits of a true American. Much like a true American, Aries looking for speed, dynamics and competition and they always have to be the first in everything. American cheese, much like the Great Melting Pot country, is made up of a lot of different cheeses to make one, great cheese. They are a classic go-to cheese that tastes good on any sandwich.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

MASCARPONE CHEESE - Both sweet and savory, the stubborn yet reliable Taurus in your life would definitely be Mascarpone. Much like the texture of Mascarpone, Taurus can range from being uncompromising to patient and devoted. Mascarpone is used in both desserts and main dishes which fits perfectly with Taurus as they are sensual and tactile with touch and taste being the most important of all their senses.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

GOUDA CHEESE -This semi-hard cheese is popular for its rich, unique flavour and smooth texture. Which is why it is no surprise that it would be identified with the Geminis in your life. Affectionate, adaptable and curious, Geminis and gouda practically go hand and hand. Gemini represents two different personalities, much like the two ways gouda cheese is presented (either dessert or table cheese) as well as the two popular drinks that accompany it (beer and wine). You never know what side of Gemini you’ll get; they are sociable and ready for fun but can get serious, thoughtful and restless real quick.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

FETA CHEESE - Loyal, imaginative, emotional as well as moody and pessimistic, the Cancers in your life would definitely be Feta Cheese. Feta is a pickled curd cheese that has a salty and tangy taste enhanced by the brine solution which match well with moody and manipulative traits of Cancer. Sympathetic and attached to people that they grow close to, Cancers can have a hard time fitting into the world but when they do find their niche, they live in peace and harmony, much like Feta cheese and the dishes that they pair well with. It can be hard to work with Feta but when you find a dish that works, it’s delicious.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

CHEDDAR CHEESE - Creative, passionate, generous, warm-hearted. All of these Leo traits align perfectly with the classic, smooth cheddar cheese. Cheddar cheese is described as “close and firm in texture, mellow in character or quality, rich with a tendency to melt in the mouth and has full and fine flavour” which basically sums up Leos. Leos are self-confident, dominant and difficult to resist...much like putting cheddar cheese on everything and then having its smooth flavour dominate the dish. Cheddar cheese and Leos share many common traits: they’re classy, popular and they’re aware of the fact.

Virgo (August 22-September 22)

PROVOLONE CHEESE - Loyal, analytical, hardworking and practical. Virgos are notorious for paying close attention to detail, making them somewhat perfectionists at life. Which is why they would be Provolone cheese. Provolone contains high amounts of calcium and protein which just proves that it is the cheese of Virgos...perfect, healthy life and perfect, healthy (healthier, I should say) cheese. Provolone cheese goes along with full-bodied and aged red wines as well as hot chutneys, homemade breads and flat breads (which is very dignified like Virgos.) Most times Virgos can get caught in details and being too organized.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

BRIE CHEESE-- Libras are notorious for being diplomatic, gracious and social as well as very romantic with a constant desire to be the center of attention, surrounding themselves with beautiful things, sights, music and people. Brie cheese, known as “The Queen of Cheeses,” is a popular, smooth, creamy dessert cheese from France. Put the two together and you have a match made in zodiac cheese heaven. Those born under the sign of Libra prefer justice and symmetry which aligns with the even flavour of Brie. Libras are also known for being indecisive, holding grudges and wallowing in self-pity. That being said, the only indecisive thing about Brie is picking what to eat with it.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

PARMESAN CHEESE - Hard and gritty in texture and fruity and nutty in taste. Parmesan would be the soul cheese of the Scorpios in your life. Scorpios tend to be resourceful, passionate and stubborn. Much like the strong taste and smell of Parmesan, Scorpios are assertive and natural born leaders and you know when they walk in the room. Both Parmesan Cheese and Scorpios can be sharp, however, as Scorpios are known to get violent when triggered and Parmesan is naturally sharp in taste. It is truly a match made in zodiac cheese heaven with these two.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

MONTEREY JACK CHEESE - Generous, idealistic and with a great sense of humor, Sagittarius would match perfectly with the aromatic Monterey Jack Cheese. Though this cheese is pretty mild, it has an intriguing, worldly background much like the open-minded wanderer in your Sagittarius. But also like this mild cheese that can disguise itself as something more, Sagittarius is notorious for promising more than they can deliver. Sagittarius, however, is usually extroverted and loves changes and different scenes, much like the ever-changing texture Monterey Jack (try it melted, firm or creamy).

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

MUENSTER CHEESE - Muenster cheese is known for its strong, penetrating aroma and tangy taste much like the strong-headed, responsible, aggressive Capricorns. Capricorns and Muenster cheese share a common trait: they can both be stinky. For Muenster it’s the aroma. For Capricorns it’s their know-it-all, condescending side. They are both self-controlled. For Muenster it’s the rind around the cheese that binds the scent and taste. For Capricorns it’s their personal and professional independence. But both are loved, popular and knows how to make their presence known whether its through a sandwich or in a room full of people.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18)

MOZZARELLA CHEESE - Progressive, original, independent. These are a few traits that describe both springy, stringy Mozzarella cheese and the Aquarius in your life. Mozzarella because it’s such an original, classic cheese that can progress any dish or be just as good on its own. Aquarius because they are deep thinkers and highly intellectual and can adapt to any situation quickly. Aquarius and Mozzarella both share common weaknesses: they run from emotional expression (the Mozzarella can be bland at times) and they can be aloof (Mozzarella knows it’s everyone’s go to cheese).

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

SWISS CHEESE - Compassionate, artistic, intuitive, gentle, wise, musical. All of these traits fall under the sign of Pisces. Mild, sweet and nut-like. All of these traits are that of Swiss cheese. Swiss cheese is infamous for its curious structure. The holes make it look like a piece of art which could be appreciated by the artsy Pisces. But Pisces are also known to be fearful and overly trusting which can cause holes in their life, much like the holes in the Swiss cheese.