I always have a few unfathomable questions tucked away that I want to ask God and this is definitely one. With all of the horrible things going on in the world today, it's hard to depict a single hardship as being genuine hardship. This one is an ongoing suffering that is becoming easier to comply to and expect in the future. Everyone seems to recognize yet neglect the fact that it's exponentially increasing all over the country. Even deeper than the facts are the hidden emotions that are carried throughout every individual who face this burden.... Divorce. Divorce carries so much more weight than the seven letters written on paper. To be fair, I know, because my parents are divorced. As soon as my sisters and I found out what was going to happen, pain seemed to slap me across the face. I didn't understand what could've provoked such a decision since I knew and understood that my parents were both Christian people. We've grown up in the church with them. Stopping to get donuts before the service, maybe being a couple of minutes late...then rushing in before the choir began singing. Even as they intently listened to the pastor's message and portrayed God's will for them, both my sisters and I knew deep down that something was about to happen. After my father had told us one evening of what was going to occur, my mind seemed to reverse and replay the times in which could've triggered this overwhelming decision. My dad would sleep in the living room, my mom would be crying, my dad sometimes wouldn't answer my mom on the phone, my mom would act weirdly strange, my dad would tell me that I shouldn't worry, but I knew. Deep down, everyone knew. I can still recall the times when my sisters and I would stay up in bed and just talk about life... And the hot topic always seemed to be; "Are mommy and daddy going to get a divorce?" The usual answer, coming from my oldest sister, would be; "Of course not. They wouldn't do that." I kept quiet most of the time.

The morning after, I woke up wondering/hoping it was just a bad dream. But it wasn't. It was time to face the unfortunate fact that we were now considered a broken family. No more family reunions together, Christmases, Easters, vacations... Not even high school graduations, banquets, college graduations and so on. People always say "you get double the presents though!", like I would prefer that to having my family together still. It's been hard these past few years understanding it all, but it's been better.

I remember one time in class, my friend had told me her parents were divorcing and I couldn't believe it. I thought of all the times I've spent the night at her house, never recognizing that they were arguing most of the time. I felt sorry for her... And then the same thing happened to me. Perhaps everybody else was now feeling sorry for me. But I didn't want them to. I didn't want anyone to look at my family as broken. When people would talk to me in a sympathetic tone, I'd neglect their comment. I hated when people would say sad things to us like I hope y'all are okay, it's going to be fine, I'm praying for you.... I just wanted them to stop. Now, though I realize that they were only trying to help. It was unfair of me to push those who sought my happiness away. In all honesty, it's almost been better that my parents divorced. I never had to Listen to the arguments, see my father resting on the couch, my mothers strange behaviors, and most of all... My sisters and I never had to wonder after that. That sounds pretty pathetic but it's true. My family may have broken apart, but when we grew back, the bonds were stronger. I know my parents didn't want that life for us, since both of their parents were divorced too, but I wish they knew that it's okay. Yeah it's a little uncomfortable when you are listening to a sermon about divorce, but I know that the Lord is working in our lives in different ways. I trust that. My dad now has a girlfriend, who is incredibly sweet and Godly. We get along so well with her. My mother is still single, but doesn't take issue with that. She is a Godly woman as well and seeks the Lord more than ever before. It's sort of a funny thing... I can never understand. It's definitely a question that I'll relay to God when I see Him. How can divorce, a sin, be helpful to my and others faith? Doesn't sin break you? This one did, but we all seemed to come back closer to the Lord. My dad, my mom, my sisters, and I are all seeking Him more than we've ever before. He has been gracious to us all, comforting us in a situation that negatively affected us in different ways. He made us new in the midst of change. I know, God that divorce is sinful, so why have we been made better people because of it? Why have we become so close to You, when sin is supposed to pull us further away? I know Your answer will be just, and I'm ready to find out. Everyone who undergoes divorce can testify the harshness of it all, the pain that slaps you in the face, and the tears that stain. What I am hoping though, is that God will use this darkness in our life and turn it into His glorious light. Divorce carries so much more than the seven letters that you read, and we are al still attempting to fathom it all.