Have you ever felt like the world, or even society, does not accept you for who you are?
That you have to act a certain way, dress a certain way, speak a certain way, etc.?
That you have to hide who you REALLY are because, nine times out of ten, you know they will disapprove of true identity?
The very first gay nightclub I had ever been to was called Incahoots, located in Jacksonville, Florida. It was amazing how there were so many other men and women like me in one location. I saw my first drag show there, tipped a very handsome go-go dancer for the first time, and talked to many people in the LGBT community. They were so friendly and accepting to me, I was shocked that no one (well maybe a few. I probably did not dress well back then) judged or criticized me for being gay.
Since then, I been to numerous gay clubs and bars around the country. I've been to gay nightclubs and bars in Savannah, Atlanta, Miami, Fort Lauderdale, and West Hollywood.
Last year, for my last spring break in college, one of my friends was interning at Disney so a group of my friends and I decided to visit her and go to Disney World. I had not been there since I was 11 so it was as though i was taking it all in for the first time again.
In my last night in Orlando, I wanted to go to a gay nightclub. Most of the friends I went with are straight and did not really like the idea of going to gay clubs. My other two friends, who are a gay couple, do not like the club atmosphere so they, too, passed my invitation. Luckily, for some reason, most of my other college friends were also in Orlando. They were also staying in the same resort and when I asked them if they wanted to go with me, they immediately said yes. They've never been to a gay club before and I was so excited to bring them into my world.
The nightclub we went to was named Pulse. Even though I had been to gay nightclubs before, but this was my visit to Pulse. I kid you not when I say I had the greatest time of my life. The drag queens were breathtaking, the go-go dancers were eye-catching, and, because it was college night at the club that night, I was seeing my peers enjoying the atmosphere and excitement as much as I was. My friends even took control of the dance floor and made everyone else dance in the nightclub.
This past March I returned to Pulse with two of my hometown friends for a weekend. I was also recently down in Orlando, in June, for Gay Days. Originally, I wanted to go to Pulse and visit but we decided to go to Southern Nights instead.
On June 12th, I had multiple calls, text messages, and Snapchat private texts. My friends were asking me if I was okay. At first, I did not understand why they were asking about my safety but once I saw the news, I understood why.
Gay nightclubs, like Pulse, were safe havens for me, my friends, and other members of the LGBT community. I went through multiple emotions after hearing the news and, still to this day, am still heartbroken at what happened there. It may seem far-fetched, but this was the closest I've ever been connected to a tragedy that had occurred in the United States. In my mind, I kept thinking that I could have been one of the victims or even the survivors. It could have been one have my friends. So many "could have" or "what ifs" in my head. But it wasn't me, because we decided not go visit one nightclub. One small decision, one night in June changed all three of our futures.
I want to close with a question to you.
Is there ever a time that you were not accepted for who you are?
How did you cope with that fact?
Do you have a safe haven to be your true self?
Remember to always love one another, despite any differences. We all walk different paths, struggle with different problems, and deal with this uncertainty called life. But at the end of the day, we all are humans and we should love each other, no matter what.
