I've always said that writing is perhaps my favorite form of expression and emotional release. Why? Because there is not the same pressure placed on your shoulders to effectively say what you are thinking. I mean, think of all the things that go into perfectly speaking your thoughts into existence: vocal inflection, word choice, facial expression, gestures, body movement and posture, appearance, volume, projection, resonance, etc... In some ways, it is quite similar to performing-another form of expression that I truly enjoy.

But I still prefer to not be stared at by a room full of people if I can avoid it At least when it comes to exposing my personal thoughts and emotions. There's so much at stake when you put yourself out there for people to judge and listen to, regardless of the medium you embrace. It's a personal challenge but one that is truly healthy and a positive transformation to endure. Putting your thoughts to paper solidifies, and to me, it makes them valid. True. Sometimes people may misread your expressions of emotion and label them as fake or exaggerated, hence making them seem inferior. Ideally, the skill to form is ignoring those people- AKA, blocking out the haters.

Even though I know my way around an essay style and narrative, sometimes, I know that a perfect piece is not going to happen that day. And usually, it's not a huge deal, but something I forgot to mention is that I am also a bit of a procrastinator. See, experience has taught me that I have this weird ability to still produce quality work towards the last second. Not at the last second. But near it.

How I developed that skill, I'm not sure. I think part of it comes from my ability to just spew words out like some kind of machine. Of course, on the first go round, they are entirely quality words, but then my editing skill kicks in and cleans up the really bad parts. I would not recommend relying on that though. It doesn't work out every time, especially if it's a high risk situation like a project or class essay...or a yearlong thesis.

Even now, as I ponder what topic or subtopic I'm going to transition to in this article, I can't help but feel like this whole piece is a perfect example of writer's block at its finest. I don't know how to write about the fact that I sometimes can't write.

I think a lot of this also ties in with "creator's block"- sometimes, you aren't sure what readers will be interested in reading. Maybe you won't have a catchy enough title or maybe people just don't care to read what you write. That's where the inability to write or create turns into a confidence issue. Your whole purpose of writing comes into question and doubt.

Sometimes when writing does come easily to me, it's almost like I immediately forget the words that I write down as soon as they are finished. For example, in high school, whenever we had to practice timed essays for exams, it was just a complete whirlwind. We were given fifty minutes or so for a non-prompt essay and told to just "create." Then came the news that our work would be based on more than just effort, but on all these fancy schmancy things like style, voice, rhetoric, diction, phrasing, organization, creativity, blah blah blah. Now the student in me sees the rationality in these expectations, but the free-thinking writer is appalled. You want kids to be creative but won't give them more time? More space to think freely?

Time puts such a pressure on us as humans. But I think that for us to be able to put forth our best work, we need to be able to take that time and put our energy towards it as we see best fit. We need time to process back up plans in the case that we are unable to come up with a good idea and we need encouragement. During the extra time I have taken to construct this article, I relaxed my brain and allowed my other school-related pressures to be relieved. And then I wrote about feeling pressured to write. So...I think we're just back at square one.

Either way, the trick is to take a second and just think about what it is YOU want to write. Not caring about views or criticism or style and all that. But caring about if what you are putting out into the world are your best thoughts.

Okay, I'm going to go take a break now for a week.