As Americans, particularly young Americans (old Americans shouldn't be reading this, so stop), we all know how dismal the current job market is. This is especially true for those of us who've unfortunately somehow graduated with a "liberal arts" degree. I am one of those poor souls with this type of degree, as I for some reason decided to major in political science. For the life of me, I can't remember why? I think it originally had something to do with "making the world a better place through politics" or "changing the world through community engagement" or some other fanciful nonsense. But as we all know, our current political landscape has become akin to a radioactive wasteland, full of roving cannibalistic raiders feeding off of small farming communities just trying to live another day.

What I'm trying to say is, as it currently stands, my degree doesn't have seemed to make me anymore worthy or valuable to potential employers (read: possible economic overlords) at all really. But it's not all bad! While I'm still only scraping by economically on my sheer iron will and naturally quick reflexes, I have managed to actually find some ways to use my degree. I've shared some of them below in the hopes of helping other young, swarthy Americans in similar positions.

1. As a Paperweight!

Believe it or not, despite it's small size, the average liberal arts degree actually weighs quite a lot! While I'm not entirely sure of why this is, I theorize that each degree contains the unfounded hopes and dreams of it's recipient, as well as the four+ years they spent working for it. Because of the weight of my own degree, I've found it very useful to use it as paperweight for the massive amounts of paper, pamphlets and loose debris I have in my house. I can hardly wait to use it to hold down all the many, many bills from my student loans I soon have to start paying! Woo hoo!

2. As a Frisbee!

As a former college student, you better believe I was all about slinging some frisbee with my bros! Rain or shine, day or night, you could find me and my young American friends throwing the ol' disc back and forth all over campus. Sometimes someone would even catch the dang thing! Sadly, after graduation, any frisbee I'd touch would emit a shrill, piercing tone and burn whatever part of me happened to be touching it. After this happened to me several more times, I realized my days playing frisbee was over. Lucky for me I found out that my degree makes a perfect replacement frisbee! I discovered this when one night, out of frustration, I threw my degree and it sailed effortlessly across the barren field I happened to be standing in at the time. What's more, my degree hardly even screamed when I threw it! So now I can still play this beloved game with all my other graduated unemployed friends.

3. Self Defense!

I don't have to tell you, being a young American yourself, that we live in dangerous times! What with North Korea, gang violence, Russian hackers and Republicans, it seems like the whole world is coming for our throats! It's a good thing I got my degree when I did, or I don't think I'd still be alive and kicking. Since graduation, I've used my degree as a violent deterrent against thieves, masked home invaders, and several packs of feral dogs. In fact, just last week someone tried to mug me, but my degree stopped them! Once they saw that it was the only thing on me (I always carry it with me, as most graduates do) and that it was in fact, a liberal arts degree, they just laughed and walked away. Wow!

In conclusion, while my degree has been useless in finding me and job or helping me out in any way finacially, it has brought me a lot of joy in many other unexpected ways. With the impending heat death of the universe soon coming upon us, I'm slowly starting to realize that maybe having a "job" isn't all it's cracked up to be, and my degree is a prime example of that. The only advice I can give to fellow young Americans in similar situations is to just keep your chin up, and your degree handy!

Author's note: Be sure to share what uses, if any, you've found for your liberal arts degree. Science and business majors can fuck off.