In the media it is highly unusual to go more than a minute without having your insides and outsides and everything-inbetweens beleaguered by advertisements and claims that accentuate the terms "Ways to Lose Weight," or "Quick and Easy Secrets to Drop a Pant Size," or "How to Get Rid of Belly Fat for Bikini Season." It is repetitive. It is daunting. And it is, to put it frankly, boring. Sure, it is extremely vital to live a healthy lifestyle, but do we really need to be told to only drink green juice for the next seven days in order to reset our fragile organs? No.
Yeah, that's right. I'm going there. Kind of.
We are humans, and our bodies change as often as Kylie Jenner's car garage (honestly, I think she has a different Ferrari every single day in her Snapchat story; kudos to her for making sure her vehicle matches her outfit). Anyway, reading about scientific theories to transform your body into something completely foreign gets to be insipid and eventually kind of depressing. I personally despise to see perpetual dieting advertisements, because I am struggling with an eating disorder. My best friend, too, despises them, because they cause her to enjoy her pizza slightly less than she could for the flavor is combatted by the idea of "carbs killing your confidence." My dog despises these advertisements, because suddenly his 700 steps per day must turn into 10,000 as my dad succumbed to the trend of tracking his steps and is now walking the dog with much more ferocity. Side note: my dog loves bacon and his obese belly, thus hates the extra exercise.
My point is this: body peace is hard to obtain when we are constantly bombarded by new diet, body transformation, and overall mind-bending advertisements. So, here I dare to reverse the standard "Ways to Lose Weight," with a more comforting title, "Ways to Gain Weight." This list is not literally about gaining weight, it is about--excuse my candor-- flicking off the system and promoting self love.
Amy is Ready. Are you?
1. Pizza was placed on this planet for a reason.
And that reason is to enjoy it. Dietitians and fitness gurus may say that the beloved cheesy pie that our nation loves can ruin a body, but I revoke that notion. Pizza delivers harmony to the soul and mind. Epiphanies are made, gospel choirs are formed, and tastebuds are married to the savoriness. I'm not saying we should only eat pizza (I mean, there are other delicious foods to be devoured); I'm just saying we should not look at a Domino's coupon with sadness because swimsuit season is approaching and we cannot use it. Take advantage of the 24/7 hours of pizza places and treat yo'self.
2. Fill your feed with the Real celebrities.
Thankfully, there are finally famous people who are relatable and real, and who actually have stomachs. Comedians like Lena Dunham, Chris Pratt, Jennifer Lawrence, Andy Lassner, Amy Schumer, Drake, Aziz Ansari, Tina Fey, and Amy Poehler are all about resisting the standards that America has incorporated into our heads about body image. They instead advocate reality in the best way: poking fun at the impractical ideals and owning what they have. Follow them on Instagram and Twitter, or watch various interviews of them on Youtube; it's amazing how incredibly human they genuinely are. I do love celebs like Zac Efron and Gigi Hadid-- they're beautiful human beings. They work hard for their bodies, and that is great. However, they also have a team of trainers to aid them in the process. Always remember that most of Hollywood is, in fact, a facade. So, keep your media feed positive and real, my friends.
3. The stairs are nice, but have you tried the elevator?
Health experts preach the idea of making small changes in your day in order to drop some serious poundage. They illustrate that taking the stairs instead of the elevator will drastically shape your legs, that standing desks should replace all normal study situations, that infusing your water with odd fruits and vegetables will immediately flush out your insides. They are all cool tips; I just don't need to hear them all the time. Like pizza, elevators were placed on this planet for a very grand reason. That reason: uncomfortable small talk with strangers. They are also super nice if you have 8 a.m. class and your legs still believe they are in your bed. I say, live your life comfortably, and, on occasion, switch it up to challenge yourself.
4. Mirrors can be your best friends if you let them be.
If you stare at anything too long, it turns into a completely disparate object. This rule includes glaring at yourself in the mirror. Instead of obsessing over your image and allowing your head to traverse into deep, dark places, dance. Stand in front of the mirror, push your shoulders back, and become Taylor Swift in the audience of any award show ever. Dancing is also a great form of the beloved cardio our health experts want us to perform often. Grant yourself the joy of owning your existence, and simply let go. Look yourself dead in the eye and say, "I am a boss, and that donut was awesome. Also, nice butt." Love what you see, and let it be.
5. Prepare your body for a swimsuit? How about prepare the swimsuit for the body.
Why is it that we continuously feel the need to squeeze our bodies into last year's swimsuit or to slim our waists back to a "summer-ready six-pack"? The wonderful fact about bathing suits is that each season there are newer, cuter ones than last year's. It would be a crime to not buy one simply because we do not feel ready for it. If summer 2015's swimsuit does not fit, give it away, dude. Your body is ready for the suit; your mind is what is holding you back. On another note, though, if you truthfully disdain the idea of wearing a truthfully, horribly limited amount of cloth, it's all good. Cover-ups and t-shirts are super. In fact, we should really all guard our skin with such clothing, because, guys, skin cancer. But that's another point entirely. Do what makes you happy.
6. Being critical is exhausting. Live a little.
If you are adamant about your diet plan and workout routine to the point where you cannot hang out with your friends, because you cannot miss leg day, you're going to suffocate yourself in inglorious doom. The body will not even be worth it at that point. Many health professionals say "cheat meals" and "rest days" are the key to a balanced life, and I don't think that's a bad idea. But also, life is not planned around that one meal or rest day. Life is constantly interrupted, and that is marvelous, for otherwise we would be become robots. So if you've already had your I-am-ordering-chinese-and-and-I-will-stay-in-my-bed-eating-poptarts-until-it-arrives-and-then-eat-and-sleep-day, and suddenly a pal drops off Girl Scout cookies and a subscription to Hulu to watch Season 5 of New Girl, don't say no. Celebrate your youth, and live. You're awesome and deserve infinite Cheat Days.
So, my fellow Americans, I leave you here with these tips. I could go on and on about the gargantuan amount of problems regarding body image in the media - and honestly, I might write another article entirely about such issues -but I've got to go watch season five of New Girl. (That offer above actually did happen; I am blessed.) Tis the time of the year where your phones will be bopping with fad diets and swimsuit pictures, and I pray that you all have the strength to karate-chop the heck out of them. Live simply. Enjoy. Breathe. You're a beautiful piece of life.
