Up until a week ago I thought that I had the rest of my life planned out. I was engaged and content, the cherry on top was my diamond ring.

As seasons changed so did the sparkle on my left hand.

Was it possible for something to sparkle TOO much?

It was.

Although magnificent and brilliantly shiny,

A rock that size began to shine brighter than me

Casting a glare on the rest of the world

With my left hand entering the room first

I fell back

Karat by karat creating more distance

Until I was lost in its shadow

I felt the shift

And did absolutely nothing in resistance

I felt like I was in Lake Michigan on a hot day

Running towards the water

As if my life depended on it

Because in some kind of sad way, it did

I had forgotten life outside of the water

As waves crash against the sand

I was begging for it to wash upon my feet

Sighing in disappointment

Because everything I need is so close

With my left hand stretched out

I realized that the wave I dove into

Was drowning me

The white caps of the past two plus years

Crashed over my lifeless body

I felt stupid for continuously

Wading in the deep end

Welcoming every wave

My heart skipped like stones on the shore

Only to realize

That I had willingly walked into a rip tide

I could only hold my breath for so long

But when I came up for air

My legs were so weak

Out of shape and desperate

The truth was that I hadn't stood on my own in so long

Struggling to keep my head above water

I reached my left hand out

Cold air gripped my palm

And pierced my delusional heart

I was in the eye of my own hurricane

How could someone hold my hand

If I had gone into the shallows alone?

The sparkle blinded me

Something so perfect

Too perfect

To the point where I would sell my soul

Just to be as perfect as an accessory

And so the conformity began

Slowly I had forgotten my core

Because I knew that no amount of confidence

Would ever be as

Bullet proof

Beautiful

& bold as you

I lost myself in the sparkle and became dull

So there I was

In the water

With an ache in my chest

Numb from the frigid water

I could feel the rocks piercing my feet

Which was actually a good thing

Because I knew that regardless of

The temperature of this body of water

That my soul hadn't become cold

Damaged footprints dragged along

And it took all of me to stand up

But I knew

That if I kept my head underwater

I would drowned

I would've grown gills to stay under

Just a little longer in your waves

I was staying in

Even when the water was well over my head

And risked my identity every time

I was addicted to the turbulence of our storm

& got a rush from being trapped in a cyclone

Lightning hit the water

As thunder followed in his path

And the rain that fell from her cheek

Filled the air and created a lonely ambiance

Pitter patter on top of the water

Refilling the lake that almost killed me

Swimming deeper against the current

That warned me to go back to shore

I was shivering

Looking for rescue in anything that floats

It was then that I inhaled water

Choking on the realization that

We had been treading water for so long

That we had forgotten how to swim

Although my diamond was breathtaking

It couldn't float me to safety in a storm

I had burrowed so deep

And planned out my life

In hopes of stability

Life became more chaotic

And we found ourselves in the hurricane again

And the truth is that yes,

A diamond may be the strongest

But no amount of karats

Could mend this levee

After this storm

Which felt like Katrina inside my mind

The only option I had was to start over

Rebuild myself from the ashes

Taking bits and pieces along the way

Life and love comes and goes in waves

& I'm here to say that

Even in the love of your life

You need to know how to swim on your own

Before you submerge yourself underwater