Everyone loves a Marvel movie. But, it’s safe to say not everyone loves them equally. Here’s what it’s really like to watch Marvel’s "The Avengers: Infinity War" as a girl who isn’t exactly a comic book aficionado.
1. Did they really just kill Thor in the first five minutes?
No really, did they? Because, if so, I’ll just go ahead and see myself out.
2.Wait, is Tony Stark going to be a dad?
The answer so far is no, but OMG Avenger babies are just what this franchise has been missing, bring me the Iron Man onesie LET’S GO!! I will now think of the adorable prospect of Avenger babies for the next 15 minutes of this movie.
3. Who is that?
Sorry, I haven’t seen the movies for all these obscure characters. Why is Benedict Cumberbatch doing an American accent, and why is that Asian man rambling about his fancy necklace?
4. Wow, the Hulk has really mastered his impression of my dad.
*yells violently* NOOO! (just kidding love you Dad!)
5. Thor’s alive!
I knew it, I knew he wouldn’t abandon me in this dark, cruel world like that. I can watch the rest of the movie guys, false alarm.
6. Why do I personally relate to Drax’s reaction to seeing Thor?
“This is not just a dude. You’re just a dude. This is a man. A handsome, muscular man.” Like, same @most guys at my school.
7. Where’s Captain America?
He has about 15 minutes to appear on this screen or I will be making an abrupt exit. Thor can only do so much on his own.
8. Wait who is THAT?
That man has a glowing rock on his forehead, and I am so confused. Wasn’t he red last time? And single? And made of plastic??
9. Oh heck yes, Captain!
Steve Rodgers just single-handedly improved my life. Also, Scarlett Johansen is blonde, that’s new.
10. This guy and his green girlfriend are actually really sweet!
Aw, he promised to kill her if her evil purple father ever tried to take her! It’s romantic in a sad, weird space movie kind of way. Do you think their kids would be her color or like a mix of their two skin tones? Like maybe a nice pastel green!
11. This purple guy is a real jerk.
Now that we’re a solid 90 minutes into this movie, I think I finally understand his plan and wow SOMEONE is a real Debbie-downer!
12. Wow, Thor really is just not going to die in this one is he?
He just got incinerated and is now crispier than the chicken strips I had on the way here, but he’s still going strong. That’s my boy!!
13. Wait who is THAT?
I don’t even know who I don’t know anymore.
14. WAKANDA FOREVER!
The Black Panther seems like the type of man you would take home to mother. And then mother would try to steal him because wow that is an attractive man.
15. Excuse me, everyone, but those strange dogs seem to be kind of kicking your butts.
I thought we were supposed to win. I thought that was how these movies worked.
16. Thor with glowing blue eyes and lightning bolts is everything I didn’t know I needed.
I just…I’m at a loss…YES MA’AM!
17. I’m sorry did Thor just NOT save the day?
That’s not allowed! His magic hammer was supposed to fix everything! And if that didn’t work, what about his dashing smile and rugged good-looks? You’re telling me that counts for nothing?
18. I just spent three hours of my life in this dark room to watch these people lose.
I didn’t even know who half of them were, but that doesn’t make me any less mad.
19. Is my dad really going to make me sit through an hour of credits for a two minute clip at the end?
Yes, yes he is.
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