To the couple who thought I wasn't worth it:
I just want to preface this and say in no way, shape, or form am I ungrateful for the life I was given.
I've always wondered why. Why wasn't I good enough? Why wasn't I enough to make you want to change? I know everyone has their faults, but yours caused a lot of pain and grief on my half. I'm one of five kids. That was five chances. Five missed opportunities to change and be the people your kids would be proud to call their parents. When I think of the people my birth parents are, I'm embarrassed. I don't want people to know where I came from. But yet, I also want to be an example. Proof that no matter who your parents may be, you don't have to be that person. My dad is in jail for sexually assaulting a minor, a girl who was a few years shy of my age when it took place. How do you think that makes me feel? When I learned of this, it made me want to come out of my skin. I felt sick to my stomach. I'm embarrassed to say, "hey that's my father." My heart aches for the girl affected by you. My mom was on drugs. They thought I would be born addicted because of choices she made. But I wasn't, so hey, dodged a bullet there, right?
Everything that they have done effects my life now. I've never taken drugs, drank, or even been to a party for that matter. Simply because I'm afraid; I'm afraid of the person I would become once I introduce myself to that. Would I become like you, addicted? Feeling the need to take drugs, regardless if I am expecting or not? Or would it not phase me, would I be okay? Would I become the occasional social drinker? Would I pick up a single cigarette and turn into smoking a pack a day?
That's not a chance I'm willing to take.
A part of me never wants to meet either of you, but the other part wants to know where both of you are from. I want to know how the two of you met. Was the relationship good or bad? Do I get my sass and sarcastic attitude from my mom or my dad? Is a quick temper common in our family? Any health issues I should be worried about? Where did our family come from? Simple things like this that most teenagers my age know, I have no clue about. That hurts. You have no idea how bad that hurts. You have no idea how much your actions have affected me and my life. But, your actions will never stop me from being my own person. If you don't care how my life is going, I don't care. I want to tell you, I want to rub it in your face that no matter how messed up your decisions were, I'm okay. I'm more than okay. I'm a senior in high school, taking 3 honors classes, and have been on the honor roll as long as I can remember. After I graduate in May, I plan on majoring in business and having a successful life.
Will I ever meet you? I don't know. A big part of me wants to, but I'm afraid. If I never meet you, thank you. Thank you for giving me life. Without you, I would not be walking on this earth right now. But that it is all I will ever thank you for. I will always love you, no matter the hurt you have caused me, and have a place in my heart for you. However, I will never need you, so please do not get it twisted.
Sincerely,
The daughter you deemed unworthy.
