When I was seventeen I entered into a relationship with someone I thought I would be with the rest of my life. Clearly, I was wrong and I'm glad he isn't part of my life anymore.Yes, that seems harsh but it's the truth.
When we first got together he was everything I wanted in a relationship. He was kind, caring, and stuck by me during a major surgery that left me needing a lot of assistance. I never thought anything he did was bad in any way, but my friends were expressing how much he was using me. I obviously ignored everything they said and tried to find the good in him. This lasted the rest of our two year relationship. He made me out to be the bad guy in every situation where he messed up. He made me hate myself from the comments he made to me, and made me feel like I was unlovable. His family started to dislike me due to the lies he was feeding them, and this hurt me more than anything because I loved his family.
When we finally ended our relationship it was the first day of a long road to recovery for me. He took away my self-confidence, my joy for life, and most importantly my self-worth. After trying to keep him part of my life I realized he wasn't someone that deserved to be part of it anymore. I made new friends that talked to me , and I began to see the things that he did to make me feel like a terrible person. When my friends validated these things were normal, I finally saw how much he affected my life in all the wrong ways. I finally started to take steps to regain my life back; the life I deserved to have.
I started doing things I stopped doing while in this relationship again like swimming, baking, and just reading the hoard of books I let collect over the two years. It was the best thing I could have done for myself. I made new friends that really pushed me to enjoy things again, I started a new job that I feel in love with, and I applied to go back to college. Things seemed like there would never be anything bad ever again. But, I still don't trust men or have any desire to date.
He left such a bad impression on me I feel like I'll never want to be in a relationship again, and that's okay. I've tried to go on dates, and they all end with me feeling like something is wrong with me for not enjoying myself. My standards are high and I need to be with someone that meets them, and pushes me to be a better person. I will eventually feel like I'm ready for a relationship, but right now I'm enjoying the time I have to spend bettering myself. I'll date when someone comes into my life that makes an impression that sticks with me.
I feel like a new, better individual after my relationship. I didn't at first, but things get better and I don't plan to stop improving myself. I learned what I can be put through and still come out on top. Anyone can move and take the life they deserve after a toxic relationship; you just need to be ready to do it.
