I should have seen that it would never work from the beginning, but you were like a drug to me, one taste and I was hooked. I don’t know why it was so different with you. I had never fallen so easily and I never let my walls down for anyone but with you I found myself being completely vulnerable. I should have known from the beginning it was a bad idea to get attached to you but it wasn’t long till you consumed my thoughts. I thought I could win your heart but in reality, you weren’t ready to give it away.
You still wanted your freedom and I can’t blame you for that. We were at two different stages of our lives; I wanted forever and you wanted fun. This is what led to countless arguments, days of not speaking, and many tears on my end. It seemed as though you never cared that you would hurt my feelings. You always blamed me and said it was my fault, I shouldn’t have dug for answers, I shouldn’t have been nosy. Sometimes that’s what you have to do when you know something isn’t right.
Now I am finally seeing in some ways maybe it was my fault. If I wouldn’t have gone looking for things I would never have found them. I would never have realized that me staying in this relationship I’d just continue to be the main girl in your life, but not the only one. I tried to shrug it off many times in hopes you would realize how much I loved you and wanted you in my life but I guess not all things can happen the way we want them to.
I do blame myself for staying so long, I caused a lot of my own pain by continuing to try to make it work when we clearly didn’t want the same things. Sometimes it still breaks my heart just to think about you and some of the times we shared because some of them were the best days of my life, but a lot of them were the worst days of my life. Things always took a quick turn every time I found out about a new girl you were talking to. A part of me will probably always wonder what could have been if we would have been in it for the same reasons. I only have myself to blame for staying as long as I did.
I wish it could have been different but the past is the past and it can’t be changed. I do hope one day you will realize I truly did love you and gave you everything I possibly could, but that still wasn’t enough for you. I hope one day you will look back and realize this. I hope your next relationship is completely different because as much as I hate the idea of you with someone new, I also don’t want another girl to have to experience the hurt I went through. I still wish you the best and I do hope one day you find everything I that I couldn’t give to you.
