This was the beginning of my college career: a devastatingly fast down-ward spiral that was completely out of control. I lost friends, I felt like I was losing my family, and worst of all, I was losing everything I thought I knew, and loved about myself. I couldn't control my eating habits or find the energy to hit the gym. So, one day after I spent a half an hour binge eating, I resorted to throwing up my food. I instantly felt better and finally felt myself regaining control after months of it slipping through my fingers.
It started pretty easily, as I'm sure it did for others. I was the one who said I would never do that and I always failed to understand why people did it in the first place. But obviously I was wrong. It was an addiction that I learned to fall in love with and I couldn't stop.
I hid it from everyone. I would have been absolutely embarrassed if anyone found out.
6 months I did this to myself. And not a single person knew about it.
The most humiliating point of this experience was that I didn't lose any weight, and neither did I feel any better about myself. I felt worse, which drove me further into the disorder and I never thought I was going to gain my life back. To everyone else I was my normal happy, sarcastic self, but on the inside, I was a self loathing, drowning entity.
One day I was looking in the mirror without my shirt on. I was disgusted and horrified at who I had managed to let myself become. Instead of taking another trip to the bathroom, I took a trip to the gym, and began eating healthier. After a couple months, I hadn't purged and I was just a normal human again. Finally, I had gained control. But it was healthy control. This is the type of control to seek out in your life.
I write this article to the six months. To the three months. To the year and a half's.To the five years.
This article is for the the friends, the families, and the individuals of people who are suffering from any eating disorder. These people need love and support. These people need hope and guidance.
Eating disorders can often go unnoticed when they have the highest mortality rate of any other mental illness. Anorexia Nervosa is the third more common chronic illness in young adults. 5.1% of female college students participate in purging.
Some warning signs of an eating disorder are frequent trips to the restrooms (usually immediately after ingesting food), eating large amounts of food, consuming little to no food, compulsive exercise, and rapid weight gain or weight loss.
Love is not only transmitted through others, but more importantly through yourself. Give yourself and your body the love you wish to receive from others. Every body deserves unconditional love, especially from the one occupying it.
*If you or someone you know is showing any of the any signs listed above, please do not be afraid to reach out for help. Reach out to close family or friends or call (800) 931-2237 for the National Eating Disorder Association hotline for help.*
