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Wanting What We Can't Have

​Looking forward versus living in the now.

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Wanting What We Can't Have
Donovan Olsen

I arrived home from college just over three weeks ago. I’d been anticipating my homecoming for a while, having felt a few bouts of homesickness during the last month of school. I missed my family, I missed Texas, I missed my own bed, I missed the heat and sunshine, I missed chips and queso, and I was ready to go home. My second semester of college had been pretty great overall, and I wanted to return home and recharge for the busy year ahead of me beginning in the fall.

However, having procrastinated on making summer plans for myself, I was quickly at a loss for things to do. Most of my high school friends either didn’t come home for the summer or were busy with their own plans and most of my college friends live in different states. Eventually, I caught up on the sleep I’d lost to rehearsals for the better part of the semester. I checked out 10 books of plays from the public library. I started working out again. I made plans with friends. I resumed my binge-watch of "Gilmore Girls."

But when I’m bored, or when I’m occupied with a mindless task, my thoughts wander to next semester. The shows I’m working on, the astronomy class I’m taking, how I want to rearrange my dorm room and making more memories with my friends. That quickly became what I think about most of the time. While it’s nice to think about school and all of the things I’m excited about, it typically just puts me in an unpleasant mood because I wish I was there already. So I’ve resolved myself to spend less time obsessing over the future and more time appreciating the things I love about being in Austin.

When I’m away at college, I miss home. When I’m finally home, I miss college. It makes sense: my heart is in both places and I feel incomplete without either. Having something to look forward to is great, especially if you’re bored or in a rut. But it’s even better to try and enjoy where you are in that moment. Just as I deal with homesickness when I’m at school (by reminding myself home will still be there for me in a week or a month), I have to remind myself that I’ll be going back to school eventually. Spending all of your time wishing you were somewhere else doesn’t help anything, it only distracts you from where you are.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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