You know, there have been sometimes in which I have said to myself “I can’t wait to have kids one of these days!” and then when I see a crying toddler throw a massive temper tantrum, I suddenly change my mind. Having children can be a blessing, as they fill your life with unimaginable joy. Their sappy innocence, playful nature, and cuteness can turn even melt the coldest of hearts. Do not get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with wanting to start a family. However, it is okay to stop and ask yourself “Do I really want kids at all?” because a lot of people feel that way in this day and age.

If you’re one of those people who don’t want kids (or at least not yet), let me tell you something very clear: It is okay! You’re not obligated to start a family if you do not want to, nor should you be. Having kids is one thing, but raising them is another. It can get expensive, tiring, stressful, and troublesome if you’re not even prepared. In my generation (yes, the millennial generation), a lot of us don’t really feel the need to have children because we can barely afford it, financially and mentally. Most of us are in college, trying to earn a degree and snag a job in a competitive market. Others, are just trying to make a living, earning minimum wage and struggling to pay the bills and payments (hang in there guys). I’m not saying having a kids is a bad thing, but having kids isn’t a smart move when you’re young and don’t have much of a plan to fall back on.

Personally, I do want kids! I’ve had dreams about having twins and even adopting! I can imagine myself being that corny dad with a tucked in shirt and denim jeans, telling my little ones funny puns while making them dinner and giving them hugs. With that being said my friends, I know that I will most likely have to wait for my dream to come true. I can’t say I want kids now, but until I settle down with a good future and a decent head on my shoulders. My father wasn’t really around when I was growing up, so that hurt me deeply. Most of the times I can’t blame him. He wasn’t really mature to handle the responsibilities a parent should take care of. Now whenever I think about wanting kids, I make sure understand the things that come with raising kids.

What often grinds my gears is that many folks ridicule others for deciding not to want kids all together, saying that it is “selfish” not to want kids. Well, it seems that we all have different definitions on what selfish is. Selfish is leaving your spouse behind to take care of a child you have no intentions of being there for. Selfish is not attending to your children’s need or forcing your kid to participate in crummy child pageants or photography sessions they want nothing to do with. What isn’t selfish, is deciding to figure out what you want to do with your life, even if it means not wanting kids.