I am currently at a crossroads in my life. I am 19 and have never been anything but single my entire life. This is more because I push people away but also because I want to learn to be completely independent. I want to fall in love with who I am as a person before I go around falling in love with other people.

I feel as though I have wasted 19 years so far by not trying to go out there and find myself. But at the same time I have not been out there to find someone else. And this is where my crossroad lies--between finding myself and finding another person.

This is the time of my life that I am supposed to be spontaneous and do random things and fall in love with random people, right? But, I feel like I need to decide which of these two crazy ideas I want to pursue.

Being spontaneous and doing random things will help me find who I am as a person. It will allow me to fall in love with myself first. And wont falling in love with myself first allow me to love others more? At the same time this is the time of my life that I have the opportunity to fall in love with random people and learn from those experiences.

The reason I think I see a crossroad here is because this is the time of my life that I should be out being spontaneous and doing random things and going on random trips. But at the same time this is known to be the time of your life that you should be falling in love with random people and finding love and all of that.

But I have decided that I don’t want to be out there finding the love of my life. I want to be out there not finding who I love but what I love.

I want to know myself and the things I love in this world more than anyone else. I want to know what makes me happy, right away. No questions asked I want to know. I want to find the one spot where I feel like I’m home without being home. I want to find the places I love more than anything else. I want to find my new favorite food.

I want to know all of the little random things that make me who I am. I strongly believe that you do not need another person in your life in order to feel whole. But I do believe that you need to know yourself and whole-heartedly love yourself in order to feel whole. And this is what I want and what I strive to achieve. I want to know why I say certain things or what is my favorite kind of cupcake or if it’s every kind of cupcake. Just the little things that are never questioned in life is what I want to know.

I already do love myself but I do not love myself whole-heartedly. I believe that when the time is right to fall in love with random people, I will be better at it because I was able to find myself and love who I am.