Many women look up to the Beyoncés and Kim Kardashians of the world. They strive to be hot and sexy. When they go out, they want guys not to be able to take their eyes off them. Girls go out and wear tight clothing, with their hair played up with the perfect amount of volume. Moreover, so many girlfriends — female friends of females — encourage this. Females tell each other, with the best intentions, how hot they look. So many girls think that that is the standard to reach. As a society, we females have become obsessed with males finding us hot and sexy, to the point that we spend obscene amounts of money on tiny pieces of clothing.

Now don't get me wrong — when I'm with a guy, I want him to find me sexy and hot, in the right context. However, more than that, I want to be beautiful and gorgeous and stunning. But being beautiful is so much more than the clothes I wear and makeup I apply. When a man says to a woman, “You are stunning,” he is speaking of that woman's character, her way of conducting yourself, the pieces of herself she has shown him. To be beautiful, inside and out, is the highest compliment I believe I can receive. Girls need to stop being focused on being hot and sexy, because being sexy is just an outward look and a way of acting. I think, though, that the girls most obsessed with looking hot all the time are really the ones who are the most insecure. Often they feel the only way they are able to hold a guy are through looking hot and flirting constantly.

When did women start to believe the lies so many men tell us? Why have we started to devalue ourselves so much that we just aim to be eye-candy and a hook-up? There is so much more to men — and women — than physical looks and attraction. Those play a role, certainly, but if a man only notices us with a tight dress on, no matter how empowered we feel, he is really the one in power. What will it take for us to start valuing ourselves? To see being hot as part of our physicality, but to strive to be more than just hot?

The answer lies in how we view ourselves individually. We will not look perfect everyday—no matter how hard we try. And some days we will get more appreciative glances than on other days. But is that really how we want to measure our lives? In the number of times we get checked out? I know personally that I am a college student and an athlete; if all a guy sees in me is my butt and legs, either he is blind or I am only showing him the shallow things. How is it that some of our greatest insecurities are what we use as our means for attention? Believe it or not, men—I mean actual men—like more than just the club look. They like the t-shirts and sweaty workout looks, too. A real man will show us how much more we are than sexy. He will make us feel incredibly sexy, but will show us how amazing we are and look in other ways.

However, we should not need a man to quell our fears. We should be able to look at ourselves in our distinct and wonderful individuality and be proud of who we are. You and I are here; obviously, someone thought the world needed one of us. So be soul food to all you meet. Because that is what we are worth; each woman and man has so much more to them than great abs or a tiny waist. We must make ourselves happy doing things that make us confident by ourselves, where we don't need looks or compliments from others to feel good after doing it. I know it is a cliché in this world, but we must respect ourselves enough not to need others to see our own value, because there is something completely unique to each of us, and that is what makes each of us amazing.