Not too long ago I was going through some of my old boxes and I found a letter from 13 year-old me to my future husband. As I was reading through it and laughing at some of the things I had written, I started to think about what I want now. Honestly, I am not so much different from when I was 13; I'm just more eloquent and I don't really think that finding a man who has "pure blue eye" is a deal maker. I do have a few deal breakers, I have some pipe-dreams, and I have some realistic expectations, but what all of these things really revolve around is the love and commitment my parents have honored for over 30 years.
The things I want most about a love like my parents' is the all-around understanding that even though they are two separate people with a multitude of separate interests, they are still one. They make decisions together, support one another, and they put their interests and wants aside when the other needs a little more. Their relationship isn't about sacrifice for love, it is about doing what they can out of love to make the other feel as wonderful as possible.
My dad puts up with so much crap from my mother. She likes to shop. A lot. She isn't necessarily the most organized and she is very last minute about almost everything she does, but my dad would walk through fire for her. He rubs her feet after a long day at work, he knows when she just needs a hug, he makes her laugh with his shenanigans, and he does outrageous tasks (our new kitchen/entire first floor come to mind) just to make her happy.
On the flip side of this my mom puts up with an equal amount of crap from my father. He doesn't like to shop. At all. He doesn't care if his shoes are falling apart and he would much rather stay in and watch the cardinals or Mizzou rather than go out. He honks his horn to scare people in public, he is always cracking jokes, he thinks he is hilarious (most of the time he is), and my mom adores him. She scratches his back and takes care of his backne. She goes out and buys him nice things like shoes and Hawaiian shirts that he will pretend to be really mad about at first but then wear them every chance he can. She lets him spend hours with his other love (his humongous garden), and she is always there to help him feel better when he doesn't want to admit he isn't feeling too hot.
The most wonderful thing about their relationship though, is that even with all the great things they have done in their lives together, they still think the greatest thing they have done for and with the other is to have created and raised a beautiful, loving family. My parents' relationship isn't perfect, no relationship is, but they don't let the little things stop the love they have for each other from shining through.
I want that. I want a someone who understands the imperfect perfection. I want someone who will take awkward selfies with me and random kiss-y photos while on vacation. I want someone who will be able to look at me when I come through the door and know if my day was horrible and know they can make it better. I want someone who will pray with me and encourage me to go to church, but at the same time want to grow individually and nurture his relationship with God.
I want someone who knows I am an independent woman who wants to work, but who could and would provide for our family if he needed to. I want someone who makes me want to be better and pushes me to be better. I want someone who will work hard to better themselves and achieve everything possible. I want someone who I can talk to about anything and not be judgmental, even though they probably should be. But mostly, I just want a man who will hold my hand in the car and likewise through life. It isn't always comfortable to keep one hand on the wheel and the other in the person's sitting next to you. Sometimes you can get a cramp, but you still hold one because you want to and that is how marriage is.
Hopefully, one day, I will make 13-year-old me proud. Hopefully, I will be able to continue to share the love my parents have and be an example of what a truly blessed and sacred marriage is, just like them.
